[BE THE AIMLESS DOUCHEBAG.]

[pincerattack]

[You've been wandering for awhile! The Plains of Spite are indeed full of spite, in that you keep tripping in holes in the ground and almost landing right on your face. It's a good place to wander around, though, and to practice with your sickles a little. ...possibly also to yell at the sky because you hate everything, but then the big animal somebody said is called an alot of crankiness had made a weird noise right back in your face and gone back to chewing on grass.

Anybody out on the plains probably sees you standing there! Your sickles are not captchalogued because that alot looks really sketchy and you might need them on short notice, but you're not actively practicing right now.]

Comments

[ice_and_steel]

Doesn't your throat get tired or sore with all that yelling?

[cavedwellers]

GGRRRRRRNNNNGT.

[pincerattack]

UNFORTUNATELY, MY THROAT IS JUST GOING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT SO MANY FUCKING THINGS IN THIS UNIVERSE NEED CASTIGATING.

[pincerattack]

[side-eye the thing]

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, ALOTBEAST?

[cavedwellers]

[paw irritably at grass, which is not as green as that in other pastures]

NRRRGN.

[pincerattack]

SERIOUSLY, HOW THE FUCK HAVE I EGREGIOUSLY OFFENDED YOU

UNLESS JUST ME EXISTING HAS DONE THAT! WHICH OKAY, FAIR ENOUGH!

[you grip your sickles a little harder, just in case]

[cavedwellers]

RRNT RRNT RRNT!

[this grass is unacceptable and there are trip-holes everywhere and now there is an angry two-legs!]

[ice_and_steel]

....You could just light them on fire instead. Or electrocute them. Or freeze them.

[pincerattack]

BECAUSE I TOTALLY CARRY A FLAME-THROWING DEVICE, A PERSONAL ELECTRICITY-GENERATING DEFENSE APPARATUS, AND A FUCKING THERMAL HULL WITH ME EVERYWHERE I GO!

[pincerattack]

[this grass is totally fucking unacceptable, it's true]

WHAT, DO YOU WANT TO STRIFE?

BECAUSE I'M WARNING YOU, I GET SERIOUS WHEN RANDOM FAUNA DECIDES TO AGGRESS AT ME.

[ice_and_steel]

[She raises an eyebrow politely, and cups a flame in the palm of her hand. Yes, it is showing off, but if he's going to call her a witch she's going to act like one.]

Or you could ask for assistance. Or are you one of those people that feels that your genitalia aren't adequately represented unless you do everything by yourself? [She looks pointedly at his horns.]

[cavedwellers]

NNRRRRRRRGGGGHN!

[being yelled at is even more cranky-making than this stupid plain!]

[pincerattack]

[w-what the fuck WE DON'T NEED ANY SHITTY HIPSTER MAGIC HERE.]

OH NO NO NO, NO MORE SHITTY FUCKING WIZARDS! I MUST HAVE MADE A FUCKING MEMO ABOUT THAT. SOMEWHERE. SOMETIME. PAST ME IS AN EVEN BIGGER IDIOT THAN I THOUGHT IF I DIDN'T.

[you sort of follow her gaze, until you realize oh no she didn't]

WHAT KIND OF SHITTY FUCKING SPECIES EQUATES HORN SIZE WITH BULGE SIZE, THAT'S ONE OF THE STUPIDEST THINGS I'VE EVER HEARD. AND I KNOW SO MANY STUPID PEOPLE THE VERY THOUGHT OF COUNTING MAKES MY BRAIN WANT TO RUN AND HIDE. [still ouch, cheap shot bringing in the nubbins.]

[ice_and_steel]

I am not a shitty fucking wizard. I have neither intention of fucking you, nor bad magic skills. I am actually quite good at this; I was designed for it.

[It's kind of a relief to find someone here she doesn't feel bad about being an ice queen at. Everybody's so nice. Which is great, but also confusing. She was starting to think she fell into reverse world.]

Oh, everybody finds something to equate with dick size. Humans say it has something to do with the size of one's hands or feet.

[slow, sharp smile]

You do realize that your enthusiastic shouting about the matter really only proves my point, right?

[pincerattack]

[oh, it's on now! claws up, grubfucker, it's on.

this shitty strife doesn't have a snazzy theme song, of course, but if it did this would be it. this is like strifing with your crabdad all over again.]

[cavedwellers]

>AGGRESS
 ABSTAIN
 ABJURE
 ABSCOND

RRRRRRRNT!

[lumbering charge!]

[pincerattack]

ALL WIZARDS ARE INHERENTLY AWFUL, IT'S A FACT OF LIFE. I'M SHOCKED YOU AREN'T PRANCING AROUND IN A SCARF AND CAPE LIKE THE PRINCE OF GODDAMN HOPE, CONSIDERING I'M PRETTY SURE HE'S THE ONLY WIZARD WHO EXISTS IN MY UNIVERSE. IT WAS A REFLECTION ON YOUR STATE OF BEING IN THE UNIVERSE, NOT YOUR CONCUPISCENT HABITS OR YOUR SKILLS.

[twitch]

I HATE TO BE THE ONE TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT WE DON'T HAVE THE SAME DISGUSTING GENITALIA THAT HUMANS DO.

[pincerattack]

[youth roll! you take no damage! now it's your turn to charge in.]

[ice_and_steel]

[She keeps a straight face, barely, as she shrugs her cape back, and reminds herself that casting ice spells on him would be rude]

Well, I would assume there were at least a few species-based differences.

I am frankly impressed your head does not actually explode from all this rage.

[Don't cast spells just to see what happens. Do not. You are a disciplined soldier.]

[cavedwellers]

 AGGRESS
>ABSTAIN
 ABJURE
 ABSCOND

[???]

[pincerattack]

[stupid cape, it's unassailable proof of her witchery. ...and her douchebaggery. because seriously, who the fuck wears a cape?]

HEY, SOMETHING WE FINALLY AGREE ON! BECAUSE EVERY DAY I WAKE UP AND MY THINKPAN HAS NOT EXPLODED INTO TINY FUCKING PIECES FROM THE EVER-PRESENT HEADACHE I HAVE FROM HERDING IDIOTS WHILE THE UNIVERSE PLOTS AGAINST ME IS THE BIGGEST FUCKING SURPRISE TO ME!

[pincerattack]

[okay, this is totally fucking embarrassing but you don't care, nobody's here but the alot and the bucketwitch anyway. you are totally going to jump on this thing's back. because it is the kind of ridiculous video game move you can get behind.]

[ice_and_steel]

[Awesome people wear capes, that's who. ....well, also Kefka, but he's the exception that proves the rule.]

I guess an ever-present headache would in fact make someone pretty cranky. You want help with that?

[cavedwellers]

[MASH Δ to activate special move GET UP ON THE ALOT'S BACK]

[pincerattack]

[bluh bluh capes are stupid]

IF BY HELP YOU MEAN ACTUALLY GET THE WAITING OVER WITH AND BLOW MY HEAD UP? NO THANKS, I'VE GOT ABOUT FIVE PEOPLE WAITING IN LINE TO DO THAT.