[BE THE AIMLESS DOUCHEBAG.]

[pincerattack]

[You've been wandering for awhile! The Plains of Spite are indeed full of spite, in that you keep tripping in holes in the ground and almost landing right on your face. It's a good place to wander around, though, and to practice with your sickles a little. ...possibly also to yell at the sky because you hate everything, but then the big animal somebody said is called an alot of crankiness had made a weird noise right back in your face and gone back to chewing on grass.

Anybody out on the plains probably sees you standing there! Your sickles are not captchalogued because that alot looks really sketchy and you might need them on short notice, but you're not actively practicing right now.]

Comments

[onlyhonournow]

That's fine.

[pincerattack]

I'M WATCHING YOU. TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T USE ANY ROBOT WILES,

[onlyhonournow]

Okay.

[pincerattack]

SDFJKDKLSFDS' ARRRRRRRRRRGH WILL YOU STOP GIVING ME ONE-WORD FUCKING AFFIRMATIVE ANSWERS FOR EVERYTHING

IT'S LIKE TRYING TO ARGUE WITH THE SUN

EXACTLY FUCKIGN LIKE IT

WHICH I KNOW BECAUSE I HAVE TRIED THIS BEFORE

[onlyhonournow]

... I don't want to argue with you.

[pincerattack]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

YOU ARE THE MOST FUCKING UNSATISFYING BEING OR OBJECT OR CONCEPT I HAVE EVER TRIED TO HAVE A GOOD SHOUTING MATCH WITH

SCREAMING MY HUSKTOP OUT OF GIVING ME ERROR MESSAGES WAS MORE PRODUCTIVE THAN THIS, AND IT DOESN'T HAVE A FUCKING MICROPHONE TO HEAR ME WITH

[onlyhonournow]

[. . .picking Karkat up by the scruff of his shirt]

[pincerattack]

[what the fuck is even happening this is actually kind of terrifying now this is a fucking huge robot]

PUT ME THE FUCK DOWN!

[onlyhonournow]

[dangling him there between two giant fingers and leaning his face in real close, with a stern expression]

I said that I didn't want to argue with you.

[pincerattack]

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, FOR ME TO EXIST IS FOR ME TO ARGUE WITH EVERYTHING IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE.

TAKE IT UP WITH THE UNIVERSE IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT.

[onlyhonournow]

... [considers.]

[sets Karkat gently back down onto his alot seat.]

I'm working on that.

[pincerattack]

[flail of complete and utter confusion!]

WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

[onlyhonournow]

It means there's more than one way to resist against something.

[pincerattack]

RESIST AGAINST WHAT. THE UNIVERSE? YEAH, TELL ME HOW THAT WORKS OUT FOR YOU.

[onlyhonournow]

[picking Karkat up again, smirking]

Pretty damn good, so far.

[pincerattack]

HOW THE FUCK IS SWINGING ME AROUND LIKE THE TARGET IN A WRIGGLER'S PARTY GAME STICKING IT TO THE UNIVERSE?

[onlyhonournow]

Worth a try.

[pincerattack]

I UNDERSTAND YOUR CONFUSION REGARDING ME BEING THE ARBITER OF THE UNIVERSE, OR AT LEAST ITS ANTHROPOMORPHIC PERSONIFICATION, BUT I REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT IT'S JUST THAT: CONFUSION. YOU ARE NOT ACCOMPLISHING A FUCKDAMN THING EXCEPT MAKING ME WANT TO SCRATCH YOUR STUPID PAINT JOB.

[onlyhonournow]

... Would it make you feel better?

[pincerattack]

WHY WOULD THAT MAKE ME FEEL BETTER

THAT'S JUST GOING TO END WITH TAVROS GETTING UPSET, WHICH WILL MAKE GAMZEE UPSET, AND THEN HE'LL GIVE ME SOME KIND OF BRO LECTURE ON CHILLING OUT!!

THE NET RESULT: I WILL FEEL WORSE!

[onlyhonournow]

... What would make you feel better?

[pincerattack]

[...huh, you actually have to think about this one. it doesn't exactly come up often.]

NOT BEING SO GODDAMN HIGH UP IN THE AIR. NOT HAVING PEOPLE UPSETTING MY FRIENDS. FOR MY LIFE NOT TO BE SO AWKWARD, FOR THE UNIVERSE NOT TO HAVE IT IN FOR ME, FOR PAST ME NOT TO BE THE ONLY BEING STUPIDER AND MORE ANNOYING THAN FUTURE ME, IF I WAS COOLER, IF I DIDN'T HAVE TO LEAD AROUND A BUNCH OF SIX AND A HALF SWEEPS GOING ON TWO SWEEPS WRIGGLERS WHO CAN'T GO ONE DAY WITHOUT TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER OR LEAVING A GIANT MESS IN SOME COMMUNAL AREA FOR PEOPLE TO TRIP OVER AND BY PEOPLE I MEAN ME, AND DID I MENTION NOT BEING REALLY HIGH UP RIGHT NOW?

THAT'S A GOOD STARTER LIST, BUT WE CAN KEEP THIS GOING ALL DAY.

WHATEVER NEFARIOUS PURPOSE YOU WANTED THAT LIST FOR DOESN'T REALLY MATTER, SINCE THE UNIVERSE HAS ALREADY ENACTED EVERY ITEM ON IT UPON MY POOR, BLEEDING SOUL.

[onlyhonournow]

[setting Karkat back down again, and settling on the ground cross-legged and smiling up at him]

... How's that?

[pincerattack]

IT IS A MINISCULE SHIFT TOWARDS SOMETHING RESEMBLING THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

[onlyhonournow]

There's nothing you can do about the past.