ITP: inappropriate orifices

[bythehorns]

[In the one of the more livable regions of the cave this afternoon (evening? who even knows, in here), Tavros is examining a troll-sized tub of green slime that the fuk dwarves have just finished making for him. It's a deep, pearly pink, and the opening at the top of it looks like...well, let's be polite and say it looks like a Georgia O'Keeffe painting. The fuk dwarves have ideas about what holes in things should look like (nsfw).]

Wow, that's, a lot fancier, than I was expecting, with the decorative folds, and everything....

((pester Tavros about his obscene home furnishings! or pester the fuk dwarves for inappropriate boons of your own. everybody needs more decorative genitals in their lives, right?))

Comments

[pincerattack]

She is the worst teammate in all the universes and when I next find the sweaty, off-putting creep I am going to show him a whole new dimension of terror for not letting us have Nepeta for our team instead. ...from a distance. So he doesn't sweat on me.

[okay, Karkat, time to be the leader! even if you are almost as bad at having feelings as you are at not having feelings.]

Is anyone else here? What's the situation?

[bythehorns]

You are, the third troll here, I think, after me and Gamzee, and there are some humans, and also a big robot, who is really nice.

[pincerattack]

[HUMANS. THAT JUST MAKES HIS UNSTOPPABLE RAGE AT JOHN HUMAN EGBERT A THING AGAIN BECAUSE SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK HE COULD HAVE JUST BEEN HONEST AND SAID 'KARKAT, I DON'T HATE YOU ENOUGH FOR A KISMESSITUDE BECAUSE YOU AREN'T WORTHY OF MY HATE' INSTEAD OF SOME STUPID MADE UP EXCUSE THAT ISN'T EVEN A THING. IF JOHN EGBERT IS HERE, HE IS GETTING PUNCHED SO MANY TIMES IT WILL REACH AROUND INTO MAKING OUT FROM THE SHEER POWER OF KARKAT'S HATE.

...still, got to keep it together, leader. Tavros would have mentioned if these were the humans they've been trolling, right? Still, it can't hurt to ask.]

Are they the humans we've been trolling? Or different ones?

[bythehorns]

No, they're different ones, um, and I think mostly, they're older. Like, there was one, that I met today, who has hair on his face, which I think, is only a thing, for adults.

[pincerattack]

[H-hair. On the face. Oh gog, that thought is legitimately disgusting. Wouldn't it get caught in your teeth? Maybe humans don't make out with each other. That might explain some of the more bizarre things about them. Still, ugh. He can't help but shudder at the thought. Though maybe if he holds it close to his blood pumper and thinks about it whenever the subject of humans comes up, JOHN HUMAN MOTHERFUCKING EGBERT won't be an-- nope, doesn't work. GOGDAMNIT.]

...ew.

[bythehorns]

Not, uh, his entire face, I mean, just sort of, a few patches.

But it was, pretty weird.

[sei_what]

Oh, for two fans. Three, actually, so she can cover her face AND her ears. And a third hand to do it.

...whatever, clearly this shouting has scrambled her brain a bit.

"All the cicadas," she chides gently, "have stilled their wings for the night / leaving only this one/ how splendidly fierce it is / how it echoes in silence."

And then she coughs. Significantly. Maybe that was a little too direct and overbearing, but jeez, that guy is LOUD.

[pincerattack]

[oh, it's on now. because it just so happens that Karkat's real talent, besides dispensing romance advice, is to give leaderly speeches and to come up with ridiculous linguistic constructs to convey his rage! he may not be willing to stoop to a Strider-style rap battle because that is STUPID, but it just so happens there are a few forms of ancient troll battle poetry that will get his point across. IT IS ON, HUMAN WHO TAKES SURPRISING CARE TO WARPAINT HER TEETH.]

IN SOME FUCKING CAVE/PROTEIN CHUTES FLAPPING NONSTOP/GOG I NEED SOME AIR.

[it's kind of shitty poetry, but it's the right number of syllables and at least it conveys some of his anger.]

[sei_what]

Another demon child! She hadn't expected that. But how did this one turn out to be so clearly a vile little mud-farming, armpit-scratching, flea-having privy box? With stubby, contemptible horns, no less?

Her eyes go steely over her fan. A peasant, even a demon peasant, does NOT raise his voice to a gentlewoman of the fifth rank. It's time to get all earthy about this, that's the only sort of thing peasants understand.

"The ox-cart passes / the ox drops dung on the clay / dung rises to speak." And then she really cuts loose:

"Where dung sets its foot / the earth turns grey in its shame."

THERE. THAT'LL LEARN HIM.

[pincerattack]

[yeah, sorry, that's what happens when you're RAISED BY A GIANT CRAB MONSTER instead of a cute little fairy like Tavros was: you've got no manners! also when you can feel the veins throbbing in your thinkpan and it may be time to break out that pneumatic drill comparison that has worked so well on humans in the past to describe this headache. not that there's been a time in the past month or so that you HAVEN'T had a headache, so you're used to it. sort of.]

SOME ATTEMPT AT WORDS/HAMMERING THROUGH MY THINKPAN/SOMEONE STOP THE PAIN.

[sei_what]

The little grey scrublet clearly can't even manage a full tanka. Is that, perhaps, a dew of perspiration which has settled across his brow? Sei is pretty sure that it is, on account of the fact that she herself is on fire and has, as fire does, well and truly burned him.

She smirks.

"The summer kitchen / chars the maids at work inside / how one feels for them!"

"...but how fine the taste of tea / upon the year's hottest day!"

She's being, like, a really colossal jerk here, but...yeah, it feels goooood. This little creature should really try to let some of his pique out once in a while. It would do him a world of good.