ITP: inappropriate orifices

[bythehorns]

[In the one of the more livable regions of the cave this afternoon (evening? who even knows, in here), Tavros is examining a troll-sized tub of green slime that the fuk dwarves have just finished making for him. It's a deep, pearly pink, and the opening at the top of it looks like...well, let's be polite and say it looks like a Georgia O'Keeffe painting. The fuk dwarves have ideas about what holes in things should look like (nsfw).]

Wow, that's, a lot fancier, than I was expecting, with the decorative folds, and everything....

((pester Tavros about his obscene home furnishings! or pester the fuk dwarves for inappropriate boons of your own. everybody needs more decorative genitals in their lives, right?))

Comments

[pincerattack]

ARGH

WHY ARE YOU ENABLING HIM

[sei_what]

Another demon child! She hadn't expected that. But how did this one turn out to be so clearly a vile little mud-farming, armpit-scratching, flea-having privy box? With stubby, contemptible horns, no less?

Her eyes go steely over her fan. A peasant, even a demon peasant, does NOT raise his voice to a gentlewoman of the fifth rank. It's time to get all earthy about this, that's the only sort of thing peasants understand.

"The ox-cart passes / the ox drops dung on the clay / dung rises to speak." And then she really cuts loose:

"Where dung sets its foot / the earth turns grey in its shame."

THERE. THAT'LL LEARN HIM.

[bythehorns]

Mostly, because, you're doing the thing, where you're twitching, under one eye, and whenever you do that, Kanaya makes worried faces.

So I think, it might be best, if you tried to rest, a little?

[bythehorns]

I don't think, I have ever been, to Equestria, but that sounds, pretty cool.

To sleep in it, you climb in, and the slime has, a relaxing effect. But, I think they are, just for trolls, at least, I never heard of, a hoofbeast needing one.

[pincerattack]

[yeah, sorry, that's what happens when you're RAISED BY A GIANT CRAB MONSTER instead of a cute little fairy like Tavros was: you've got no manners! also when you can feel the veins throbbing in your thinkpan and it may be time to break out that pneumatic drill comparison that has worked so well on humans in the past to describe this headache. not that there's been a time in the past month or so that you HAVEN'T had a headache, so you're used to it. sort of.]

SOME ATTEMPT AT WORDS/HAMMERING THROUGH MY THINKPAN/SOMEONE STOP THE PAIN.

[pincerattack]

--KANAYA. PLEASE TELL ME KANAYA IS NOT HERE.

BECAUSE IF KANAYA IS HERE THEN THERE IS NO ONE LEFT BEHIND I CAN AT ALL TRUST TO LEAD ANYONE OUT OF A PAPER BAG.

[oh hey it's the eyetwitch you mentioned, right on schedule]

[bythehorns]

I don't think so, at least, I have not seen here, since Gamzee and I got here....

[now that you ask I am unsure of myself, of course. what if I just haven't found her? oh dear.]

[sei_what]

"Such a sweet thing you are. Humans use water. But I suppose some commoners do bathe in slime. Ponds and such. What a distasteful thing that must be."

But she stands up and reaches out to ruffle up his hair and give him a tonk-tonk on a horn, which seems to delight her immensely.

"Thank you, Tavros. It's fortunate neither of us need to use the pond, isn't it?" She makes a sly, smirking grimace and flutters her fan goodbye. "I look forward to seeing you again."

[glorious]

A SGRUB session...

It seems you've met the drecks of my species already. I'm certain once we find out what happened we'd be able to return you to your... session. You'll be able to continue carrying out your annihilation and reconstruction then.

For the time being, we should focus on learning to coexist. I doubt Tavros would be happy if we killed each other here.

[flies]

Hmm...

[I'm gonna stick my head in it and sees what's in it--] Oh ew! What is this stuff?

[bythehorns]

It's called, sopor slime, and it keeps trolls, from having, bad dreams.

[pincerattack]

GOOD.

[...still surly about getting put in the recuperacoon, though. what are you, his lusus? he doesn't even need a nap, gog.]

[flies]

Riiiiiiight...Eheh.

[poking it with a hoof.] Pinkie would probably eat this stuff.

[bythehorns]

Um, sorry, for trying, to help, and not being very good at it, I guess.

[bythehorns]

That is, supposed to be, pretty bad for you.

[sei_what]

The little grey scrublet clearly can't even manage a full tanka. Is that, perhaps, a dew of perspiration which has settled across his brow? Sei is pretty sure that it is, on account of the fact that she herself is on fire and has, as fire does, well and truly burned him.

She smirks.

"The summer kitchen / chars the maids at work inside / how one feels for them!"

"...but how fine the taste of tea / upon the year's hottest day!"

She's being, like, a really colossal jerk here, but...yeah, it feels goooood. This little creature should really try to let some of his pique out once in a while. It would do him a world of good.

[flies]

You mean it'll make you sick?

[bythehorns]

Everyone says it, rots your think pan, but I think, that is an expression, and not literal.

[flies]

Think pan? You mean like, your brain or something?

[bythehorns]

Uh, yeah, that is, exactly what it is like.

[flies]

Then Pinkie would be fine. It's not like she ever uses her 'brain pan' or whatever anyway.

[bythehorns]

...That is, uh, what people say about my friend, who eats slime pies, also...

[onlyhonournow]

He sits in silence for a short while, half in admiration and half because he just doesn't know what to say. Realising that staring is rude and quite possibly extremely unnerving coming from a giant robot, he bows his head.

"I've... read some of them. In a book. I'm not sure I understand them, entirely, but they're very nice. I hope I didn't offend you."

He looks up again, still speaking tentatively, "I think we've both travelled a long way. I apologise again if I startled you; that was not my intention."

[ice_and_steel]

[staring at the tub]

Very well, my curiosity has gotten the better of me. Why do you have a vagina model big enough to sleep in?

[bythehorns]

Um, it is, for sleeping in, but I'm sorry, I don't, know what kind of model, that is.