ITP: inappropriate orifices

[bythehorns]

[In the one of the more livable regions of the cave this afternoon (evening? who even knows, in here), Tavros is examining a troll-sized tub of green slime that the fuk dwarves have just finished making for him. It's a deep, pearly pink, and the opening at the top of it looks like...well, let's be polite and say it looks like a Georgia O'Keeffe painting. The fuk dwarves have ideas about what holes in things should look like (nsfw).]

Wow, that's, a lot fancier, than I was expecting, with the decorative folds, and everything....

((pester Tavros about his obscene home furnishings! or pester the fuk dwarves for inappropriate boons of your own. everybody needs more decorative genitals in their lives, right?))

Comments

[glorious]

[Van would possibly be a little more offended by this if he hadn't had ample experience with obnoxious young men filled with hatred and loathing for everything, and if he also didn't just try to wipe out the entirety of his own species.]

Might I ask how you intend to do so?

[onlyhonournow]

My apologies regardless. It's never appropriate for one to act so cold to a stranger.

[cavedwellers]

We'll make a sword so amazing you'll shit yourself!! You'l see!!!

[glorious]

...All right. I won't press the matter.

[glancing around the cave] I don't suppose you have an idea of where I might find a bed for myself?

[glorious]

Then I accept your apology.

Have you been here long?

[pincerattack]

[oh fuck no we are not getting into hemospectrum bullshit right now because humans asking about that might start asking awkward questions about where the trolls here rank on that and what if they don't like 'fuck you I choose not identify on the hemospectrum can you not see my gray shirt here' as an answer?]

HOW ABOUT I GO BACK AND MAKE A MEMO IN THE PAST

A MEMO THAT SAYS WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THE MOTHERFUCKING HEMOSPECTRUM RIGHT NOW SINCE IT HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WHATSOEVER TO DO WITH GETTING OUT OF HERE, AND ALSO BECAUSE NONE OF THE FUCKING USELESS MORONS WHO CARES ABOUT IT IS EVEN HERE

CAN WE DO THAT, MAYBE

[pincerattack]

UH. DID YOU NOT HEAR ME JUST SAY THAT I'M GOING TO BE A GOGDAMN THRESHECUTIONER? AS IN THE MOST MOTHERFUCKING SICK, VICIOUS, KILLING TROLLS IN THE FLEET? AS IN, I'M GOING TO TAKE A SICKLE SO SHARP IT WILL CUT A FUCKING NEUTRON IN FUCKING HALF AND STICK IT IN THE EYEHOLE OF ANYONE WHO GETS IN MY WAY? THAT IS HOW I AM GOING TO DO IT, SINCE YOU ARE SO WOEFULLY FUCKING UNINFORMED.

[You would think all the screaming would get tiring! And it does! But gog, he's used to being tired. This is nothing.]

[sei_what]

Out of habit, she starts to recite that old, even hackneyed bit about "the dew touches the sweet flag"...but breaks off halfway through in a way that would be painfully awkward and embarrassing to someone who knew it. Of course the baby demon doesn't, though, that's the point.

The baby demon is also, now that she's kneeling, taller than she is. She could have thought that out a bit better, but she was caught in a wave of sentiment and couldn't help herself.

"Of course I won't," she promises, smiling as gently as she can and hoping her toothblack is still decent. "Come here and tell me your name, little one."

[glorious]

Your plan consists of single-handedly killing every human on your own? That's quite the task you've committed yourself to.

[sei_what]

Long nights sitting up waiting for the right kind of rustle have, perhaps, given Sei a bit of an edge. She hears that snap, oh yes she does. She draws certain conclusions from its abruptness and from the careful silence that follows.

Carefully, she adjusts her posture: modest, good, hems showing off all the layers: good, oh god are her eyebrows, like, COMPLETELY wiped off right now? shitshitshit

Oh hell, just cover it all with the fan...

"Good day," is what she actually says. "The dark falls on us / but nothing can hide the shame / of the unshelled snail."

[pincerattack]

FOR FUCK'S SAKE

I SAID 'A THRESHECUTIONER,' NOT 'THE THRESHECUTIONER.' THERE IS, IN FACT, GOING TO BE MORE THAN ONE.

[bythehorns]

[criiiiiinge]

Okay, um, sorry, I won't, uh, say anything about it, to anyone.

Sorry.

[glorious]

Ah, a pity. It would've been quite the sight to see.

How soon would you like to begin?

[bythehorns]

This human has black teeth. You are honestly a little tempted to stare! But right now she says she doesn't want to hurt you, and maybe if you stare she'll change her mind. A lot of the time staring seems to mean you're challenging someone. Which is a thing you don't ever want to do. And who knows what kind of weapons she's hiding under all those piles of cloth?

"My name, is Tavros," you say. "Um, what about you?"

[glorious]

[...Presumably still within hearing range?]

My apologies. I won't be asking about it again.

[bythehorns]

You could, ask the dwarves, since, I think, what they do here, is just, make things.

[pincerattack]

[WHAT IS EVEN WRONG WITH THIS HUMAN'S THINKPAN. He, uh. Almost sounds like a high-blood troll! Which is not really what Karkat needs right now, because all of them except Gamzee are the biggest douchebags in the universe. IN THE FUCKING UNIVERSE.]

What the actual fuck.

THAT'S NOT REALLY THE RIGHT ANSWER TO GIVE WHEN I DECLARE MY INTENT TO WIPE YOUR SPECIES OFF THE MAP AND GIVE ITS PLACE TO THE TROLLS WHO RIGHTFULLY OWN IT. I'M JUST SAYING.

...ALSO THERE IS OBVIOUSLY A MINIMUM AGE LIMIT OF TEN SWEEPS TO JOIN THE THRESHECUTIONERS, SO IT'LL BE AWHILE BEFORE I CAN START. WHY DOESN'T IT SURPRISE ME THAT HUMANS WOULD SEND WRIGGLERS OUT TO FIGHT THE SECOND THEY'RE OUT OF THE FUCKING COCOON? NO WONDER THE HUMANS I MET BEFORE WERE SO FUCKING RIDICULOUS, THEY MUST HAVE BEEN HIT OVER THE HEAD FIGHTING IN ONE OF YOUR WARS.

[faygoandpie]

Whoa, bro, you're all up and about to explode your think pan. You want a pie?

[onlyhonournow]

"Uh," Drift manages with a sheepish smile, "Hello. Please don't be startled. I like your poetry." He cringes and casts a sidelong glance, embarrassed. That was definitely the wrong meter.

"There's beauty to be found... even in things that aren't beautiful."

. . . well, he tried.

[onlyhonournow]

Comparatively, not long at all.

[wingedjustice]

Not bad.

[glorious]

I'm not certain how much you know about my species. However we, along with the rest of our world, are nearing the inevitable end of our lifespan. To extend the life on our world, we'll need to recreate our race and species without the deficiencies that we've had before. A rebirth of a sort.

Of course, in order to be reborn we must first die. The original world must be wiped to make way for the new one.

That's the part I'd like you to help me with, if you're interested. You certainly seem capable of doing a thorough job of it.

[bythehorns]

--Oh, uh, hello, and, thank you.

[looking up, }:o]

Are you, uh, from the same place, as Drift?

[glorious]

I see. Everyone seems to have arrived recently. Though I fear we'll be here for a long while yet.

[wingedjustice]

In a manner of speaking. We're old friends. I'm Wing.

[bends down and offers a hand]