ITP: inappropriate orifices

[bythehorns]

[In the one of the more livable regions of the cave this afternoon (evening? who even knows, in here), Tavros is examining a troll-sized tub of green slime that the fuk dwarves have just finished making for him. It's a deep, pearly pink, and the opening at the top of it looks like...well, let's be polite and say it looks like a Georgia O'Keeffe painting. The fuk dwarves have ideas about what holes in things should look like (nsfw).]

Wow, that's, a lot fancier, than I was expecting, with the decorative folds, and everything....

((pester Tavros about his obscene home furnishings! or pester the fuk dwarves for inappropriate boons of your own. everybody needs more decorative genitals in their lives, right?))

Comments

[pincerattack]

[there is a loud series of crash-bangs, as if someone has been dropped and is rolling down the cave incline, banging into rocks along the way. if you listen carefully, you can probably hear some snarling that would be threatening if the person doing it didn't sound so young.]

GOG FUCKING DAMNIT WHEN I FIND OUT WHO THREW ME IN HERE I AM GOING TO RAIN DOWN SO MUCH FURY IT'S GOING TO BE A SUPERNOVA OF PURE, INCANDESCENT RAGE BEATDOWN THAT IS NEVER GOING TO END. TIME WILL DILATE UNTIL IT HAS NO MEANING ANYMORE EXCEPT THE PAIN THIS FUCKING GRUBLICKER IS GOING TO EXPERIENCE UNTIL THE HEAT DEATH OF THE UNIVERSE.

[the crashing stops outside the cavern! but the tantrum doesn't.]

[sei_what]

Sei titters delicately behind the fan--oh what a charming joke the little one is playing on her, how forthright children are, "from babes and drunkards", et cetera et cetera.

It's only appropriate to play along, of course. The sly look children get when they think they've fooled you is simply delightful.

"Certainly not, what a thing to say. You must have fallen from a grey rain-cloud." And he's got a vagina bath, but whatever. "Won't you tell me all about it?"

[bythehorns]

[!!!!!!! I know that fury.]

....Uh....Karkat?

[glorious]

We're certainly a...prolific species.

[faygoandpie]

Whoa, what the fuck is up, my brother? Besides being all up and stuck in a motherfucking cave.

[faygoandpie]

[pokes his cheek]

Sheee-it, ittle bro, how the fuck are you so gogdamn adorable? Makes my pump biscuit fill the fuck up with pity.

[bythehorns]

You wonder if this is one of those human pranks that always made Karkat so mad. "A, uh, rain cloud?" Human reproduction is so confusing. "I have never heard of, wigglers coming from one of those."

[bythehorns]

Oh. Wow. I.

Wow.

[pincerattack]

[That fury is not done yet.]

I BET THIS IS YOUR FAULT, VRISKA, AND WHEN I FIND YOU I'M TRADING YOU TO THE OTHER TEAM NO MATTER WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY ABOUT IT. I DON'T EVEN CARE WHO THEY GIVE ME. ERIDAN FUCKING AMPORA WOULD BE A BETTER TEAMMATE THAN YOU AT THIS POINT BECAUSE HEY, AT LEAST HE'S JUST INAPPROPRIATELY TRYING TO TOUCH ME AND EVERYONE ELSE INSTEAD OF THROWING US INTO INESCAPABLE FUCKING HELLISH LABYRINTHS OF CAVES AND WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT UP A CAVE A TROLL CAN'T NAVIGATE, ANYWAY? AND I AM GLAD THAT YOU'RE LETTING YOUR BIZARRE... WHATEVER IT IS YOU HAVE, BECAUSE EVEN I CAN'T IDENTIFY WHAT QUADRANT THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE... YOU WISH YOU HAD WITH TAVROS GET IN THE WAY OF US ACTUALLY PLAYING THIS FUCKING GAME BECAUSE APPARENTLY HE'S HERE TOO--

[waaaaaaait a second Tavros is here, so (1) this definitely is somehow Vriska's fault and let's face it, raging at her is basically like screaming into the sky for all she listens, and (2) welp, at least he's got part of his team here, which means he needs to stop having a tantrum and BE THE LEADER. which means the volume goes down and a somewhat worse for the wear little troll with nubby horns and so much rage he's practically bristling like a cat enters the cavern.]

--oh. [what is with these people who are definitely not trolls? maybe this ISN'T Vriska's fault.]

[faygoandpie]

Yep, bro. Motherfucking wow.

[bythehorns]

I guess, I always, sort of wondered, about that, after, that one time, when we were talking, but, I wasn't sure if you remembered, or if it was just, a thing you said, because of the pie.

[pincerattack]

[of course, Gamzee would be here, too. it's not like he could get, say, Kanaya. Or even Terezi. Someone capable of basic logical reasoning so that he doesn't have to do EVERYTHING BY HIMSELF.]

I think that's pretty much all that is up, unless you have something to suggest.

[...eyetwitch]

[sei_what]

Cute. The little thing clearly has no manners--and if she ever does meet his mother, she and Lady Whoever are going to have some words. Her eyes narrow and, holding her fan up to hide everything below them, she glances around to see if there's anyone whose overhearing might be problematic for her. No? No.

"Nevermind. What is that thing?"

[bythehorns]

[:x]

O-oh, uh, you know, I hadn't, even thought about it, being Vriska's fault, but I guess, it sounds like, a thing she would do, especially to me....

[bythehorns]

Oh good! That is a question you can answer. A question you have been answering for all the humans. And you are almost sure this is a human, even though it also looks somewhat like an ambulating pile of drapery. "It is, uh, a recuperacoon, which is, what trolls use, for sleeping in." You remember something important. "But one of the other humans, said that, it was rude to let people see it, so, I am sorry."

[pincerattack]

She is the worst teammate in all the universes and when I next find the sweaty, off-putting creep I am going to show him a whole new dimension of terror for not letting us have Nepeta for our team instead. ...from a distance. So he doesn't sweat on me.

[okay, Karkat, time to be the leader! even if you are almost as bad at having feelings as you are at not having feelings.]

Is anyone else here? What's the situation?

[faygoandpie]

[motherfucking best friend is here, gogdamn miracles all over the place]

Tavbro has a sweet as fuck new recuperacoon, have you set your ocular bulbs on it?

[faygoandpie]

There are some motherfucking things you just don't up and forget, little bro.

[pincerattack]

[you really can't keep yelling at your best friend like this, even if he's not going to come up with a plan. it's not his fault, after all. who even knows whose fault it is! well, unless you guys can't get out of here, in which case it's your fault.]

Uh... it's a recuperacoon, I guess? It's kind of a weird color, though.

[bythehorns]

How many planets, did you have?

[bythehorns]

You are, the third troll here, I think, after me and Gamzee, and there are some humans, and also a big robot, who is really nice.

[sei_what]

Ah, it's a demon! All of this oddness makes more sense now. Some of them in the stories seemed so glamorous and dangerous, but this one is just a child and she'd never really thought about what a little demon would look like. This one looks silly. Still growing into its horns! She really can't help but melt.

Taking a knee, she holds her curtained arms out warmly. "Come here," she coos, secure in her assurance that the little creature will like her. Court children usually did, even the fussy ones. "It's all right. I won't tell anyone."

...won't tell anyone that adorable baby demons sleep in vaginas. No, she won't be telling anyone that. But it's so darling!

[glorious]

...Planets?

[bythehorns]

That is, good to hear, because, I would be sad, if you didn't remember it.

[Rufio would want me to have courage right now. Right? fffff.]

I think, maybe, actually, I think definitely, I pity you, too.

[pincerattack]

[HUMANS. THAT JUST MAKES HIS UNSTOPPABLE RAGE AT JOHN HUMAN EGBERT A THING AGAIN BECAUSE SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK HE COULD HAVE JUST BEEN HONEST AND SAID 'KARKAT, I DON'T HATE YOU ENOUGH FOR A KISMESSITUDE BECAUSE YOU AREN'T WORTHY OF MY HATE' INSTEAD OF SOME STUPID MADE UP EXCUSE THAT ISN'T EVEN A THING. IF JOHN EGBERT IS HERE, HE IS GETTING PUNCHED SO MANY TIMES IT WILL REACH AROUND INTO MAKING OUT FROM THE SHEER POWER OF KARKAT'S HATE.

...still, got to keep it together, leader. Tavros would have mentioned if these were the humans they've been trolling, right? Still, it can't hurt to ask.]

Are they the humans we've been trolling? Or different ones?