crankycave | [BE THE AIMLESS DOUCHEBAG.]

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[BE THE AIMLESS DOUCHEBAG.]

[You've been wandering for awhile! The Plains of Spite are indeed full of spite, in that you keep tripping in holes in the ground and almost landing right on your face. It's a good place to wander around, though, and to practice with your sickles a little. ...possibly also to yell at the sky because you hate everything, but then the big animal somebody said is called an alot of crankiness had made a weird noise right back in your face and gone back to chewing on grass.

Anybody out on the plains probably sees you standing there! Your sickles are not captchalogued because that alot looks really sketchy and you might need them on short notice, but you're not actively practicing right now.]

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I can cast it on myself to demonstrate, or on you if you're not too scared, or I suppose that massive beast over there will suffice as well.

[argh you already know how this is going to end, because it is just like the thing with the bucket candy that ended in you being horrible! but it's so inevitable, it is like the force of gravity holding the moons to Alternia: you are going to agree to this just to spite the hell out of her.]

Fine, I can handle anything your stupid magic is going to do to me.

[She murmurs syllables that blur and blend together in a soothing rill, and green light sparkles over her head. The cure spell washes over Karkat in a river of glittering green. Assuming he is not in fact undead, it should heal minor wounds.]

[you are not, in fact, undead! even if you are out in the sunlight right now like one. the bizarre part is, you are no longer in possession of a headache, either!

yeah, you're just... staring at her. because what the hell is this even.]

[Okay she is not used to her magic provoking this particular response. ....she did cast Cure and not Mute, right? No, she definitely cast Cure. Unless he has some strange biology that is unlike any she's ever encountered.

Well, nothing to do but brazen it out.]

I expected it to work, but I didn't expect it to work that well. [smirk]

You don't get it, we don't have anything like this on Alternia. I actually literally thought you were going to light my thinkpan on fire, or something.

[staaaaaaaaare]

...Look, I'm kind of a jackass sometimes and I acknowledge that, it's what I get for being raised by the military. But I generally don't like people on fire unless they are already trying to kill me.

[stares back]

I don't think you're understanding me. What you just did is something that we don't do. You sounded like you were making a joke about decapitating me, or something.

You are very strange. And so is your culture. Actually it's kind of fucked up, because any culture that would trample on somebody like Tavros is severely asinine, but that's neither here nor there.

As shouty and obnoxious as you are, I wouldn't actually hurt you. But I'm impressed you were going to stand there for it anyway.

No fucking arguments from me there.

[fuck yeah, you are brave, aren't you? you preen a little, because who the fuck cares that you have nubby horns and way too many feelings when you're the bravest motherfucker around?]

So what do you do for fun when you're not screaming at things?

[...o_O humans are super fucking weird, aren't they.]

I... watch movies, I guess? And read books. Not that I really have either here. And program, but I don't have my husktop here, either.

[Trolls are super fucking weird.]

[a little wistful] Books would be nice. I haven't really any idea what one does with one's time when there aren't training drills and battles.

[hey now, extremely tasteful romance novels are not weird at all and you will fight people over that]

Drills-- no, we weren't old enough to get conscripted into the fleet yet. I was going to be a threshecutioner before, you know, our entire universe imploded and we were banished to an asteroid in the middle of paradox space.

[she blinks]

Do I even want to know what any of those words mean? Although I guess I have some experience with universes and explosions. That happened in my world as well.

Oh good fucking fuck I'm dealing with some low-tech human from a place without astrophysics.

AN ASTEROID IS A GIANT CHUNK OF BARREN, DEAD ROCK IN OUTER SPACE. PARADOX SPACE IS A HORRIBLE DEAD PLACE FULL OF EVIL MONSTER GODS FROM HELL. I'M ASSUMING YOU KNOW WHAT THE OTHER WORDS MEAN.

Yes, I do have a general working knowledge of the language, thank you. Your explanations are appreciated.

Given that your universe apparently doesn't have magic, I don't think I regret the lack of astrophysics in mine.

WE HAVE MAGIC. SORT OF. THERE'S THIS ONE GUY WHO HAS A SHITTY WAND AND A CAPE WHO KILLED ALL THE DENIZENS OF HIS WORLD AND ABSORBED SOME SHITTY MAGIC POWER FROM IT, BUT I MOSTLY TRY TO AVOID HIM. WHAT WE DON'T HAVE IS ANYTHING RESEMBLING THAT HEADACHE REMOVAL TECHNIQUE.

A wand? Whatever would he need a wand for?

I could...try to teach you. I was going to teach Tavros, but I don't have any Magicite, and I don't know if there's any to be found here.

UH, TO DO HIS SHITTY HIPSTER MAGIC WITH?

[this is more side-eyeing, yep. you are such a confusing human.]

Would I have to wear a stupid cape or a stupid scarf or use an unimaginably stupid wand?

[his eyes are like to stick that way if he keeps doing that, or at least that's what the woman who Gestahl first hired to teach her to read used to say.]

You don't have to use a wand. I don't. And capes are up to your own discretion. You can prance around naked with a crown of lilacs on your head or just wear trousers and a shirt, it doesn't matter.

What is it with you humans and people getting naked.

....It was a figure of speech. You seemed unduly concerned about the manner in which you'd have to be dressed. I was trying to make the point that it doesn't matter.

In any event, it's just skin. What does it matter?

[sputter]

BECAUSE BEING NAKED IN FRONT OF SOMEBODY IS A PRETTY DAMN BIG DECLARATION OF PITY AND TRUST, FOR ONE? I THOUGHT EVEN HUMANS GOT THAT.

I have heard getting naked described as an awful lot of things, but out of pity is not usually on the list of reasons. I hear pity tends to inhibit desire.

I mean certainly if you are getting naked with the intent of engaging in intercourse then yes that implies a certain level of trust, but there are other reasons, at least where I come from.

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pincerattack - 2012-04-03 03:14 (UTC) - Expand

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ice_and_steel - 2012-04-03 03:24 (UTC) - Expand

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