CrankyCave NPCs (
cavedwellers) wrote in
crankycave2012-02-13 07:07 pm
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OMG VD!
[Gosh you guys, there must be a holiday on! One of the bigger, more well-lit caves has been decked out for a PARTY, with heart-shaped BALLOONS and also red and white STREAMERS decking the stalactites and shit. There are BUCKETS filled with LITTLE CANDY HEARTS, and there is a FOUNTAIN featuring a rosy-cheeked CUPID who is PEEING PINK LEMONADE into a basin. Also ther are CUPS in case you couldn't tell the LEMONADE was for DRINKING.
Also, everything is HEAVILY SPIKED WITH APHRODISIACS. Eating or drinking the party favors will make you want to MAKE OUT with anyone who gets IN STRIKING DISTANCE. Have fun with that!]
Also, everything is HEAVILY SPIKED WITH APHRODISIACS. Eating or drinking the party favors will make you want to MAKE OUT with anyone who gets IN STRIKING DISTANCE. Have fun with that!]
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[back arching, almost-not-quite too much sensation there, but mostly that just sets nerves on fire and makes this more interesting in the pants department, and the other thing about the arched-back thing is that it's a great prelude to grinding hips together when the pants department starts to declare its intentions.]
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YYYYYYY.]
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...actually fuck it, this part with standing up instead of being able to roll around humping each other like weasels isn't ideal. let's get down on the floor. pulling in that direction.]
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also, since this seems to be a competitive sport, shoving a hand down between them to palm the front of hispants and try to find his penis.]
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Nnnf. I'll take my pants off if you will.
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What is wrong with your penis?
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WHAT THE FUCK IS A PENIS, AND AND HOW CAN THERE BE ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT WHEN I CLEARLY DO NOT HAVE SUCH A STUPID SOUNDING THING?
ALSO, WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR BULGE.
[you can't even be offended that he sounds so horrified, because clearly he is terribly deformed and doesn't know any better.]
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A penis is what normal males have between their legs. You seem to have a nest of worms instead.
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FUCK YOU, I HAVE A PERFECTLY RESPECTABLE BONE BULGE. UNLIKE YOU, WHO SEEM TO HAVE BEEN MAIMED IN SOME KIND OF INDUSTRIAL ACCIDENT AT AN EARLY AGE.
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AND BETTER THAT THAN WHAT YOU'VE GOT! WHAT GOOD DOES THAT EVEN DO IF IT JUST SORT OF SITS THERE?
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[this is not really the voice of authority and experience here]
Does it need to squirm around like that for you to put it in someone?
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BECAUSE VERILY, YOU HAVE DISCOVERED THE ALPHA AND OMEGA OF SEXUAL ACTS. CLEARLY, NO ONE COULD EVER WANT TO PARTAKE OF ANOTHER CONCUPISCENT ACTIVITY. ALSO, EVEN IF WHAT I SAID WAS NOT SO SARCASTIC I MIGHT JUST MUTATE INTO A COOLKID ASSHOLE RIGHT HERE ON THE SPOT THAT WOULD HAVE TO BE PRETTY FUCKING BORING TO THE OTHER PERSON.
[wow, suddenly you're not sure if this is caliginous or this guy is just that much of an asshole!]
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[attempts to go back to that then]
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[you bite at him-- not too hard, just to tell him that fuck you, I'm just kissing you out of spite now. you are also touching him with your apparently horrifying bulge now; the smaller fronds have started to curl around him of their own accord, seeking out touch reflexively.]
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