OMG VD!

[cavedwellers]

[Gosh you guys, there must be a holiday on! One of the bigger, more well-lit caves has been decked out for a PARTY, with heart-shaped BALLOONS and also red and white STREAMERS decking the stalactites and shit. There are BUCKETS filled with LITTLE CANDY HEARTS, and there is a FOUNTAIN featuring a rosy-cheeked CUPID who is PEEING PINK LEMONADE into a basin. Also ther are CUPS in case you couldn't tell the LEMONADE was for DRINKING.

Also, everything is HEAVILY SPIKED WITH APHRODISIACS. Eating or drinking the party favors will make you want to MAKE OUT with anyone who gets IN STRIKING DISTANCE. Have fun with that!]

Comments

[pincerattack]

[humans are soft, and it's kind of weird! you've been sort of passive because, well, you don't exactly want to shred him, and you've got so many sharp edges you might as well be made of knives (albeit fewer knives than most trolls, so at least that's something). but if he's going to push it then you're going to bite at him like proper blackrom makeouts call for! carefully, though. very carefully.]

[lifestudies]

[this is becoming an extremely valuable lesson in why people think this is worth their time. biting back, scraping with teeth to try to balance out the natural disadvantage, and digging nails into the edges of those scars.]

[pincerattack]

[and you realize sort of belatedly that it's distinctly unfair that this human is touching you like that-- nnnngh-- but your hands are just sort of on his shoulders. the problem being that fuckin humans, how do they work?, because you're pretty damn sure humans never had grublegs and they don't have horns and jegus where are you even supposed to put your hands? you settle for clawing at his back in a way that is hopefully not untoward, because you sort of lack the bravery to go under any of his clothes at the moment.]

[lifestudies]

Hnnngh--

[back arching, almost-not-quite too much sensation there, but mostly that just sets nerves on fire and makes this more interesting in the pants department, and the other thing about the arched-back thing is that it's a great prelude to grinding hips together when the pants department starts to declare its intentions.]

[pincerattack]

[okay, keep your hands where they are, evidently this is working! assuming that humans have the same kind of anatomy in vaguely the same places, and oh fuck there's a scary though, what if they don't have a bulge and a nook and all the other parts of their anatomy in the right places? what if this is something completely unrelated and you're reading into this-- okay, no, you two are making the fuck out, you are probably not misinterpreting this. which is good, because your body is so fucking cool with this terrifying new territory in interpersonal relations.]

[lifestudies]

[trying to eat his face appears to be a good tactic! keeping that up, then, and also just trying to pull him close as much as possible because definitely it's starting to feel like some friction below the belt would only improve matters. grind against makeout partner y/y?

YYYYYYY.]

[pincerattack]

[this is a little awkward because he's so much taller than you, but you make it work. because oh fuck that's nice, that's fucking fantastic is what it is. it's so fantastic that you sort of miss his mouth and end up kissing him somewhere in the vicinity of the chin-- but you're just going to roll with that and move down to his neck and mind the teeth, humans probably have a jugular vein or seven under that weird skin of theirs and this isn't that kind of hate.]

[lifestudies]

[well, that at least kicks the self-preservation instinct back on a little bit, because those certainly are sharp teeth. only a little bit, though: taking one hand out from under the monster's shirt and getting a good grip on his hair instead, so it wouldn't be too hard to pull him away if that became necessary.

...actually fuck it, this part with standing up instead of being able to roll around humping each other like weasels isn't ideal. let's get down on the floor. pulling in that direction.]

[pincerattack]

[you are all about getting down on the floor, yep. that sounds like an awesome place to be, especially because that gives you more leverage to grind against this terribly interesting human. and you're pretty sure you just fucking whimpered, which is a terribly undignified thing to do in this kind of situation but you can't help it; your bulge is definitely interested enough to start unsheathing itself.]

[lifestudies]

[oh yes. that is working better. and provoking noises is certainly a good sign, isn't it? and between the noises and the grinding there is definitely some urgency happening down at pants level. ...this is definitely a thing that has never been covered in mission briefings, though. perhaps it will be possible to improvise once the little monster demonstrates what he expects to happen from here.]

[pincerattack]

[well, you aren't the best authority on where to go from here considering this is most definitely the furthest you've ever gone before! you know the theory, which is that you are to the point in things where one would traditionally go for the bulge. and he does seem to have something equivalent there, so you go for it and bring your hand down to where you think it probably should be. even out of your right mind you're not quite brave enough to venture under his pants yet, but you're making baby steps.]

[lifestudies]

[yes. good. that is exactly where this ought to be going. making some encouraging noises and pushing into that hand, because fabric muffles sensation and this is a sensation that doesn't really benefit from muffling. harder, nnngh.

also, since this seems to be a competitive sport, shoving a hand down between them to palm the front of hispants and try to find his penis.]

[pincerattack]

[your bulge is definitely squirming under the attention, trying to grasp at the stimulation but evidently not smart enough to realize your jeans are in the way. which makes perfect sense, because reproductive ogans are not sentient, you fucking idiot. you... actually get bolder with your own hand, because you can only feel one bulge and that's actually incredibly fucking strange.]

[lifestudies]

[he's getting more insistent, that's something, but really--]

Nnnf. I'll take my pants off if you will.

[pincerattack]

[...challenge accepted, you are totally undoing the zip-toothed clothing fastener and shoving your pants down past your hips as fast as you can, both because it is pretty rapidly getting uncomfortable to be in them and because you are not going to be a cluckbeast about this and lose.]

[lifestudies]

[ah! that was a good move! it seemed like it would be. Cutting thigh wrap off because stopping to unwind it sounds like way too much hassle right now. Shoving pants down. Looking over at--]

What is wrong with your penis?

[pincerattack]

[STAAAAARE.]

WHAT THE FUCK IS A PENIS, AND AND HOW CAN THERE BE ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT WHEN I CLEARLY DO NOT HAVE SUCH A STUPID SOUNDING THING?

ALSO, WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR BULGE.

[you can't even be offended that he sounds so horrified, because clearly he is terribly deformed and doesn't know any better.]

[lifestudies]

[cannot stop staring at it. at them. whatever. also cannot entirely help wondering if Orochimaru would have one like this. some like this. whatever.]

A penis is what normal males have between their legs. You seem to have a nest of worms instead.

[pincerattack]

[did the rest of his get cut off? some kind of tragic accident? or was he born that way?]

FUCK YOU, I HAVE A PERFECTLY RESPECTABLE BONE BULGE. UNLIKE YOU, WHO SEEM TO HAVE BEEN MAIMED IN SOME KIND OF INDUSTRIAL ACCIDENT AT AN EARLY AGE.

[lifestudies]

Bone bulge? There can't possibly be any bones in that thing with the way it moves!

[pincerattack]

IT'S A FIGURE OF FUCKING SPEECH, YOU MENTALLY INCAPACITATED SHITWEASEL.

AND BETTER THAT THAN WHAT YOU'VE GOT! WHAT GOOD DOES THAT EVEN DO IF IT JUST SORT OF SITS THERE?

[lifestudies]

[--shit actually is that a reasonable objection? no. almost definitely not. probably not. most likely.]

[this is not really the voice of authority and experience here]

Does it need to squirm around like that for you to put it in someone?

[pincerattack]

[wow, it sure is all about you, isn't it?]

BECAUSE VERILY, YOU HAVE DISCOVERED THE ALPHA AND OMEGA OF SEXUAL ACTS. CLEARLY, NO ONE COULD EVER WANT TO PARTAKE OF ANOTHER CONCUPISCENT ACTIVITY. ALSO, EVEN IF WHAT I SAID WAS NOT SO SARCASTIC I MIGHT JUST MUTATE INTO A COOLKID ASSHOLE RIGHT HERE ON THE SPOT THAT WOULD HAVE TO BE PRETTY FUCKING BORING TO THE OTHER PERSON.

[wow, suddenly you're not sure if this is caliginous or this guy is just that much of an asshole!]

[lifestudies]

...Now you've completely stopped making sense. Kissing you was much better than listening to this.

[attempts to go back to that then]

[pincerattack]

I AM MAKING A LUDICROUS AMOUNT OF SENMMMMPH.

[you bite at him-- not too hard, just to tell him that fuck you, I'm just kissing you out of spite now. you are also touching him with your apparently horrifying bulge now; the smaller fronds have started to curl around him of their own accord, seeking out touch reflexively.]