cavedwellers: (Default)
CrankyCave NPCs ([personal profile] cavedwellers) wrote in [community profile] crankycave2012-02-13 07:07 pm

OMG VD!

[Gosh you guys, there must be a holiday on! One of the bigger, more well-lit caves has been decked out for a PARTY, with heart-shaped BALLOONS and also red and white STREAMERS decking the stalactites and shit. There are BUCKETS filled with LITTLE CANDY HEARTS, and there is a FOUNTAIN featuring a rosy-cheeked CUPID who is PEEING PINK LEMONADE into a basin. Also ther are CUPS in case you couldn't tell the LEMONADE was for DRINKING.

Also, everything is HEAVILY SPIKED WITH APHRODISIACS. Eating or drinking the party favors will make you want to MAKE OUT with anyone who gets IN STRIKING DISTANCE. Have fun with that!]
pincerattack: (MAKEOUTS)

[personal profile] pincerattack 2012-02-16 02:28 am (UTC)(link)
[well, you aren't the best authority on where to go from here considering this is most definitely the furthest you've ever gone before! you know the theory, which is that you are to the point in things where one would traditionally go for the bulge. and he does seem to have something equivalent there, so you go for it and bring your hand down to where you think it probably should be. even out of your right mind you're not quite brave enough to venture under his pants yet, but you're making baby steps.]
lifestudies: (wai wai bishie)

[personal profile] lifestudies 2012-02-16 02:44 am (UTC)(link)
[yes. good. that is exactly where this ought to be going. making some encouraging noises and pushing into that hand, because fabric muffles sensation and this is a sensation that doesn't really benefit from muffling. harder, nnngh.

also, since this seems to be a competitive sport, shoving a hand down between them to palm the front of hispants and try to find his penis.]
pincerattack: (I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU JUST DID)

[personal profile] pincerattack 2012-02-16 02:53 am (UTC)(link)
[your bulge is definitely squirming under the attention, trying to grasp at the stimulation but evidently not smart enough to realize your jeans are in the way. which makes perfect sense, because reproductive ogans are not sentient, you fucking idiot. you... actually get bolder with your own hand, because you can only feel one bulge and that's actually incredibly fucking strange.]
lifestudies: (pic#2424913)

[personal profile] lifestudies 2012-02-16 02:57 am (UTC)(link)
[he's getting more insistent, that's something, but really--]

Nnnf. I'll take my pants off if you will.
pincerattack: (WHY ARE YOU STILL MAKING NOISE WITH YOUR)

[personal profile] pincerattack 2012-02-16 03:01 am (UTC)(link)
[...challenge accepted, you are totally undoing the zip-toothed clothing fastener and shoving your pants down past your hips as fast as you can, both because it is pretty rapidly getting uncomfortable to be in them and because you are not going to be a cluckbeast about this and lose.]
lifestudies: (that's as big as it gets?)

[personal profile] lifestudies 2012-02-16 03:05 am (UTC)(link)
[ah! that was a good move! it seemed like it would be. Cutting thigh wrap off because stopping to unwind it sounds like way too much hassle right now. Shoving pants down. Looking over at--]

What is wrong with your penis?
pincerattack: (KAJSHFAISJKADISIOASUDRASLCFS;)

[personal profile] pincerattack 2012-02-16 03:08 am (UTC)(link)
[STAAAAARE.]

WHAT THE FUCK IS A PENIS, AND AND HOW CAN THERE BE ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT WHEN I CLEARLY DO NOT HAVE SUCH A STUPID SOUNDING THING?

ALSO, WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR BULGE.

[you can't even be offended that he sounds so horrified, because clearly he is terribly deformed and doesn't know any better.]
lifestudies: (that's as big as it gets?)

[personal profile] lifestudies 2012-02-16 03:11 am (UTC)(link)
[cannot stop staring at it. at them. whatever. also cannot entirely help wondering if Orochimaru would have one like this. some like this. whatever.]

A penis is what normal males have between their legs. You seem to have a nest of worms instead.
pincerattack: (KAJSHFAISJKADISIOASUDRASLCFS;)

[personal profile] pincerattack 2012-02-16 03:14 am (UTC)(link)
[did the rest of his get cut off? some kind of tragic accident? or was he born that way?]

FUCK YOU, I HAVE A PERFECTLY RESPECTABLE BONE BULGE. UNLIKE YOU, WHO SEEM TO HAVE BEEN MAIMED IN SOME KIND OF INDUSTRIAL ACCIDENT AT AN EARLY AGE.
lifestudies: (quoi?)

[personal profile] lifestudies 2012-02-16 03:17 am (UTC)(link)
Bone bulge? There can't possibly be any bones in that thing with the way it moves!
pincerattack: (KAJSHFAISJKADISIOASUDRASLCFS;)

[personal profile] pincerattack 2012-02-16 03:19 am (UTC)(link)
IT'S A FIGURE OF FUCKING SPEECH, YOU MENTALLY INCAPACITATED SHITWEASEL.

AND BETTER THAT THAN WHAT YOU'VE GOT! WHAT GOOD DOES THAT EVEN DO IF IT JUST SORT OF SITS THERE?
lifestudies: (yes um about that...)

[personal profile] lifestudies 2012-02-16 03:22 am (UTC)(link)
[--shit actually is that a reasonable objection? no. almost definitely not. probably not. most likely.]

[this is not really the voice of authority and experience here]

Does it need to squirm around like that for you to put it in someone?
pincerattack: (KAJSHFAISJKADISIOASUDRASLCFS;)

[personal profile] pincerattack 2012-02-16 03:27 am (UTC)(link)
[wow, it sure is all about you, isn't it?]

BECAUSE VERILY, YOU HAVE DISCOVERED THE ALPHA AND OMEGA OF SEXUAL ACTS. CLEARLY, NO ONE COULD EVER WANT TO PARTAKE OF ANOTHER CONCUPISCENT ACTIVITY. ALSO, EVEN IF WHAT I SAID WAS NOT SO SARCASTIC I MIGHT JUST MUTATE INTO A COOLKID ASSHOLE RIGHT HERE ON THE SPOT THAT WOULD HAVE TO BE PRETTY FUCKING BORING TO THE OTHER PERSON.

[wow, suddenly you're not sure if this is caliginous or this guy is just that much of an asshole!]
lifestudies: (wai wai bishie)

[personal profile] lifestudies 2012-02-16 03:32 am (UTC)(link)
...Now you've completely stopped making sense. Kissing you was much better than listening to this.

[attempts to go back to that then]
pincerattack: (MAKEOUTS)

[personal profile] pincerattack 2012-02-16 03:39 am (UTC)(link)
I AM MAKING A LUDICROUS AMOUNT OF SENMMMMPH.

[you bite at him-- not too hard, just to tell him that fuck you, I'm just kissing you out of spite now. you are also touching him with your apparently horrifying bulge now; the smaller fronds have started to curl around him of their own accord, seeking out touch reflexively.]
lifestudies: (pic#2424913)

[personal profile] lifestudies 2012-02-16 03:43 am (UTC)(link)
[oh yes that's much better. no shouting, just biteykissing. and--]

mmnnn~

[--is the sound of some very mis-matched parts coming together, and that curling and squeezing thing is actually really pleasant, despite how odd it looks. yes. so much better than yelling.]
pincerattack: (MAKEOUTS)

[personal profile] pincerattack 2012-02-16 03:52 am (UTC)(link)
[and you're proven exactly right because what the hell is his stupid bulge penis whatever thing doing except sitting there? you're doing all the work. and it feels nice where you're wrapped around him yes, but that's not enough. so you take one hand and wrap it around your primary bulge, because fuck, you would be the sad sack of a troll that has to jerk himself off with someone else.]
lifestudies: (candy? in your van?)

[personal profile] lifestudies 2012-02-16 03:57 am (UTC)(link)
[wait, what is he doing now? reaching down to investigate by touch. and maybe to touch some of his squirmy parts and see what happens.]
pincerattack: (MAKEOUTS)

[personal profile] pincerattack 2012-02-16 04:21 am (UTC)(link)
[oh good, he's finally getting the idea. you drop your own hand and your primary bulge is all too happy to wrap around someone else's exceedingly friendly hand. you definitely make a muffled noise against his mouth when that happens.]
lifestudies: (wai wai bishie)

[personal profile] lifestudies 2012-02-16 04:26 am (UTC)(link)
[well it might not look like a penis and he might call it something funny, but it seems to like being touched the same as a normal one. and getting back to the part where he makes little hungry noises is good! thrusting into his squirmy parts and trying to stroke the thicker part like he was just doing]
pincerattack: (MAKEOUTS)

[personal profile] pincerattack 2012-02-22 05:30 am (UTC)(link)
[since you don't need your hands for this part, you need to find something else to do! you sure hope more claws are all right, so long as they aren't applied to overly sensitive parts of the anatomy. you aren't trying to kill him! ...meanwhile, the smaller fronds are starting to poke a little bit further back, because hey, instinct. the weird part is that they're not finding what you're expecting.]
lifestudies: (candy? in your van?)

[personal profile] lifestudies 2012-02-22 05:37 am (UTC)(link)
[more claws are definitely all right. they're provoking a lot of squirming, but it's not squirming away. the little tentacle things are maybe a little more unsettling.]

That, mmnf, tickles, what -- what are you doing?
pincerattack: (UNSURE IF I WANT)

[personal profile] pincerattack 2012-02-22 05:40 am (UTC)(link)
[mmmph, stop kissing long enough to talk.]

How many body parts are you humans missing?
Edited 2012-02-22 05:40 (UTC)
lifestudies: (a matter of perspective)

[personal profile] lifestudies 2012-02-22 05:41 am (UTC)(link)
Missing?

[okay sitting up now, trying to get a good look]

What exactly do you have down there?
pincerattack: (I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU JUST DID)

[personal profile] pincerattack 2012-02-22 05:44 am (UTC)(link)
Fuck you, I'm a perfectly normal troll. You're the one who only has half the equipment. How does that even work?

[oh gog he was talking earlier about penetration and HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK THEN, just thinking about it is sort of terrifying. maybe human sex is really, really alien weird and you've never known. oh, fuck.]

(no subject)

[personal profile] lifestudies - 2012-02-22 05:48 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] pincerattack - 2012-02-22 05:54 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] lifestudies - 2012-02-22 06:01 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] pincerattack - 2012-02-22 06:14 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] lifestudies - 2012-02-22 06:29 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] pincerattack - 2012-02-22 18:36 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] lifestudies - 2012-02-22 18:46 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] pincerattack - 2012-02-23 04:16 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] lifestudies - 2012-02-23 04:19 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] pincerattack - 2012-02-23 04:33 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] lifestudies - 2012-02-23 04:41 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] pincerattack - 2012-02-23 05:07 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] lifestudies - 2012-02-23 05:13 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] pincerattack - 2012-02-23 05:18 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] lifestudies - 2012-02-23 05:21 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] pincerattack - 2012-02-23 05:36 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] lifestudies - 2012-02-23 05:41 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] pincerattack - 2012-02-23 18:06 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] lifestudies - 2012-02-23 18:16 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] pincerattack - 2012-02-23 18:33 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] lifestudies - 2012-02-23 18:35 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] pincerattack - 2012-02-23 18:40 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] lifestudies - 2012-02-23 18:41 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] pincerattack - 2012-02-23 18:50 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] lifestudies - 2012-02-23 18:54 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] pincerattack - 2012-02-23 18:57 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] lifestudies - 2012-02-23 18:59 (UTC) - Expand