OMG VD!

[cavedwellers]

[Gosh you guys, there must be a holiday on! One of the bigger, more well-lit caves has been decked out for a PARTY, with heart-shaped BALLOONS and also red and white STREAMERS decking the stalactites and shit. There are BUCKETS filled with LITTLE CANDY HEARTS, and there is a FOUNTAIN featuring a rosy-cheeked CUPID who is PEEING PINK LEMONADE into a basin. Also ther are CUPS in case you couldn't tell the LEMONADE was for DRINKING.

Also, everything is HEAVILY SPIKED WITH APHRODISIACS. Eating or drinking the party favors will make you want to MAKE OUT with anyone who gets IN STRIKING DISTANCE. Have fun with that!]

Comments

[bythehorns]

Well, uh...it looks like...they were trying, to be nice....

[going for a glass of punch, but trying not to get too close to the candy buckets]

((will tag with anyone, will probs be awkward all over))

[lifestudies]

[studying Cupid statue]

He has an awfully small penis.

[pincerattack]

[and you're stumbling into the party, because (A) you sulk around the cave instead of being useful, so you randomly find things like this, and (B) come on, like you don't have a RADAR for ROMANCE. at first it seems kind of weird, what with all the heart ballons and all-- is somebody having some kind of bizarre, ostentatious matespritship party, or something? which okay, is admittedly an awesome idea.

--and then you notice all the furnishings.]

WHAT--

WHO WOULD--

THAT'S PORNOGRAPHIC.

[annnnnd you have a troll in need of a reboot because what.]

[lifestudies]

Is it really? I've heard it's supposed to be artistic to depict them tastefully.

[pincerattack]

YES, BECAUSE PUTTING THEM OUT WITH HEART SYMBOLS IN THEM IS TOTALLY FUCKING TASTEFUL.

[lifestudies]

Mmm, I am only going on what I've heard. What would be better?

[pincerattack]

I don't know, PUTTING THEM IN THE CLOSET UNTIL IT'S TIME TO USE THEM?

[you are so embarassed at this point. why do these things keep happening to you?]

[lifestudies]

[people in general are pretty confusing, but this little shouty grey one is worse than most.]

Time to...use them?

[picking up some candy hearts from the nearest bucket, squinting at the writing on them]

[onlyhonournow]

[. . . there's a robot sized punch bowl, filled with what appears to be glowy liquid diesel. Well, that's new. Drift is looking at it, slightly consternated.]

High-grade energon? Here?

[onlyhonournow]

If my memory serves me correctly, it's intended to be a celebration of sorts. . .

[bythehorns]

Uh...do you know, what it is, celebrating? It looks, kind of nice, but also, kind of rude....

[pincerattack]

Oh, no, I am not giving an interspecies biology lesson. Is this how you humans get off? Asking other species to explain their romantic and sexual practices in detail? BECAUSE THAT'S PRETTY SICK, AND NOT SICK IN THE IRONIC WAY THAT SOME PEOPLE USE TO MEAN AWESOME.

[you would go on about his depraved human sexual proclivities, but then he reaches into the bucket and all you can do is make a squeaky horrified sort of noise.]

[lifestudies]

As far as I can tell, there is a wide variety of things that get humans off! But mostly people yell at me if I talk about that. Somewhat like you're doing now!

[sniffing the candy. licking one of them experimentally. prrrrrobably not poison! pops one. crunches it.]

Would you like one? I think they're not poisonous.

[onlyhonournow]

I suppose it is. I still don't know much about human courtship rituals, but...

[ice_and_steel]

[....I heard they throw parties like this in Jidoor, but generally soldiers don't attend.]

[however, there is CANDY, and that is fascinating in the way that most forbidden fruit is. She nibbles on a couple of candy hearts, and looks around for people she knows.]

(OOC note: anyone is free to tag in.)

[bythehorns]

That is, what it is for? The heart symbol, um, represents, one of the kinds of troll romance, too.

[peering into cup of fizzy pink stuff]

Probably, they would not, give us things, that were bad to drink, would they?

[ice_and_steel]

[look, screaming men do not intimidate me, I am a soldier. Even when they have horns.]

....Where I come from, statues of naked little boys are generally considered artistic.

Or, wait, Tavros said your society has some kind of thing about buckets, don't you?

[ice_and_steel]

It's a festival for those in a romantic relationship, I think.

[attempts to tastefully place herself between Tavros and a bucket, but lacking any kind of social graces whatsoever, it ends up being pretty awkward]

Hi, Tavros.

[pincerattack]

[WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING WHY IS HE EATING SOMETHING OUT OF A BUCKET SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK, YOUR FACE PROBABLY LOOKS LIKE IT'S ON FIRE BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT ENTIRELY SURE IT ISN'T]

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? NO, SERIOUSLY, THAT IS NOT A RHETORICAL QUESTION. I AM HONESTLY CONFUSED AS TO THE MENTAL DEGENERACY THAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT'S ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR!

[the worst part is that of course you think racy behavior like that is tempting, albeit embarassing! it would be totally badass in a sexy way to stroll right up to that bucket, take out some candy, and eat it like it isn't anything, and everywhere trolls would be swooning and saying how incredibly attractive you were! ...you are also a teenaged nubby-horned little hermit crab of a troll, so that plan? that's not a realistic plan.]

[ice_and_steel]

Well, he is a child. One wouldn't expect him to measure up to someone who's sexually active.

[bythehorns]

That is, a very nice thing, to celebrate, I think.

[we can have an awkward-off, if you want. the competition is pretty fierce around here!]

Hello, um, Celes.

[pincerattack]

[okay not even touching the bit about naked children being artistic because seriously what the hell. just pretend you didn't hear it. breathe.]

Yes, I was talking about that. It is, in fact, some kind of thing.

[lifestudies]

Ah, that does make sense. I am not used to seeing children displayed like this.

[lifestudies]

I apologize! I was not expected to need social graces until my most recent mission, so I am only now beginning to study them. Could you explain what I have done wrong?

[ice_and_steel]

Apparently it displays purity, or something. It was all the rage in Jidoor, which is a town famous for its artists, a fwe years back.

Though I'm not sure where the public urinating bit comes into that.