This is definitely not LOWAS

[prankster_gambit]

[In a particularly nasty part of the already generally unpleasant cave, John Egbert descends, catching himself before he takes a nasty fall. This place sure doesn't look familiar but that's okay. Nothing has looked familiar in a while! Instead of climbing down the steep decline, John floats down because gosh, floating is awesome; he's pretty that if floating were a thing people could just do, shoes would be totally obsolete.

Landing at the bottom of whatever makes up caves - biology is his thing, not geology! - John looks around.]

Hello?

Comments

[pincerattack]

YOU DON'T SEE WHY-- ARRRRRRRRRGH!!

CLEARLY I'M JUST GOING TO HAVE TO TELL YOU BECAUSE NOTHING SHORT OF THAT IS GOING TO CONVINCE YOU OF WHAT AN ABJECT FAILURE I AM! I HATE MYSELF AND DON'T TRUST ANYBODY BECAUSE I'M A GOGDAMN MUTANT WHO'S ONLY ALIVE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I'M GOOD AT HIDING!! AND IF ANYONE ON ALTERNIA FINDS OUT, I'M GOING TO GET CULLED! UNTIL THE INEVITABLE DAY COMES I'M OLD ENOUGH IT'S OBVIOUS, AND THEN THERE IS NO WAY I'M NOT GOING TO CATCH DEATH!! I AM A FAILURE ON SUCH A DEEP, INTRINSIC LEVEL THAT JUST LIVING IS A CRIME AGAINST ALTERNIA! IS THAT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU?

[...oh fuck, Tavros is still in this cave, isn't he. fuuuuuck.]

[bythehorns]

[wow, okay, you have been trying not to listen to Karkat because there's yelling for everybody and then there's yelling that's personal, and this was pretty personal yelling, but despite yourself you are processing those words and oh. oh. oh.]

Um...Karkat?

[pincerattack]

[you are breathing pretty hard from all this personal yelling! feelings are very exerting! ...annnnd then Tavros talks and yeah, he definitely heard you! fuck fuck fuck. so you're just going to kind of staaaaare at him in abject horror because you cannot believe this. it is neither a thing, nor is it happenning. you refuse to let it.]

[bythehorns]

[one wrong move here and you are pretty sure he will kill you, and that would be pretty awful because you've been happy here and pretty sure people wouldn't kill you]

I, uh

Um

I'm sorry, for, uh, being here, for that.

[pincerattack]

[as trolls who could have overheard this go, Tavros is actually probably the second-best case scenario you could have here, after Kanaya. Kanaya would be better because you KNOW she can keep her mouth shut. you know full well Tavros isn't going to turn you in himself, but quite frankly you're terrified he'll tell Gamzee something and then your pitiful, sopor-drunk moirail will go on some tangent to the wrong person about what a miracle his moirail is and then bam, culled!]

Don't say a word to Gamzee.

[you hope it looks like you're shaking with rage

even though it's definitely not rage]

[bythehorns]

[you have two terrified modes: silent and babbling. choose wisely.]

Okay, um, that is, I think, not how moirails, are supposed to work, but, I am not, the authority there, since, I have never had one, and, you know more about those things, than I do, so, I can do that, and also, thank you, for not just killing me, right away, as soon as you realized that, I had heard that...

[pincerattack]

[ha ha ha ha like Karkat is capable of killing anyone, but it's a huge self-esteem boost to know that someone out there thinks he is!! awww yeah he IS a badass. ...though he fails at moirallegiance, Tavros, don't use him as an example.]

He just. He doesn't have an off switch. He'll say something to somebody, without meaning to. He can't find out about this. ...besides, if he doesn't know about it they. Might not cull him when they find out about me.

...just keep your mouth shut about it, for fuck's sake. If I find out you told anyone, I am going to break your horns off and shove them through your aruicular sponges.

[bythehorns]

[going to work hard on just thinking about being terrified here, because if you stop being terrified you might have room for other feelings, like pity, and you have a matesprit and he has a moirail, which means that would just be even more awkward on top of an already uncomfortable situation]

I, uh, won't tell anyone, Karkat.

N-not even, just because, you threatened me. I don't, uh, want to make, anything bad, happen to you.

[pincerattack]

[does the fact that his matesprit and your moirail are the same troll make things more or less awkward, anyway?]

...don't you dare fucking pity me, either.

[because, well, Karkat has actually gotten the hang of completely platonic pity down pretty well! that's how he feels about Kanaya and Sollux most of the time! but a lot of trolls don't seem to get it and wow, potential awkwardness!]

[bythehorns]

[oh gog he can read your mind you hate it when they can do that it always ends in doom and pain]

S-sorry, uh, I'll, do my best, not to, feel anything like that, at all, for any reason, and, if it helps, I think, you're actually, pretty scary....

[pincerattack]

[omg yay someone thinks you are scary!! finally!! ...too bad it's Tavros, which basically makes you Vriska, you tool.]

About gogdamn time somebody thinks so.

[bythehorns]

[he tells you not to pity him and then he makes sad pouting face WHAT DO]

I-I'm sure I'm, not the only one....

[pincerattack]

[maybe you should stop being such a pity tease if you're going to yell at John for being a hate tease, you hypocrite!]

...name one other person who actually thinks I'm scary.

[oh gog that hurt to ask]

[prankster_gambit]

[you draw back, stunned]

What? Karkat....

What?

[you're getting angry and that's stupid but you can feel the flush over your cheeks and down your neck and your eyes sting, you think you might be tearing up!]

That's stupid! What a horrible law! There's nothing wrong with you! Why would something like that even be a law?! Governments are totally suppose to protect their citizens, n-not cull them for being different! I'm sorry Karkat but I can't be culturally sensitive about this kind of thing at all!

[you realize you're floating and it's getting awful windy in the cave but you don't even care because Karkat.]

[pincerattack]

THEY ARE PROTECTING THEM, IDIOT, THEY'RE MAKING SURE ONLY THE FITTEST TROLLS SURVIVE. NOT CULLING PEOPLE LIKE ME MEANS ALL KINDS OF FUCKING MUTANTS RUNNING AROUND EVENTUALLY, PROBABLY, AND WHO KNOWS WHAT KIND OF PROBLEM THAT WOULD CAUSE.

[at this point you're too tired and self-loathing and scared to even yell, so you're just going to... drop the volume to a voice that's probably a bit scratchy from all the screaming out loud in short succession!]

...or at least, that's supposed to be why they do it. I. I think they probably do it for fun, too.

[prankster_gambit]

But if lots of trolls like you are running around, it's not a mutation, it's just another thing that is different! Trolls should be allowed to be different. I was taught that a government is only as good as how it treats, you know, it's most vulnerable!

[thank you, seventh grade social studies!]

[You watch him for a bit. he looks so sad and angry and you want to cry for him.]

Gosh, Karkat. That's really horrible. I'm sorry.

[pincerattack]

[AHHHHH STOP SAYING THINGS LIKE 'THAT'S HORRIBLE, I'M SORRY' BECAUSE THERE IS NO WAY JOHN IS SAYING THEM THE WAY YOU HEAR THEM AND YOU KNOW THAT. And you had never for a second until now even considered being flushed for him, not over Trollian, because he was a jackass with stupid highblood-blue text who made you so gogdamn angry and hateful that you were so, so sure he was the one. and that was why you got so humiliated over him rejecting you! and why you tried again, even kind of knowing what he'd say again! and now he's here and jegus he's pitiful with his stupid outfit and his weird teeth and the fact he's blatantly pitying you right out loud and. and. your brain cannot handle this right now.]

Would you STOP FUCKING SAYING THINGS LIKE THAT? It doesn't mean what you think it does to trolls, and this is just going to lead to me getting my hopes up and you'll tell me you don't pity me, either, and I'll have another screaming fit at you and we'll be right back here again! Just shut up unless you know what you're saying! IS THAT TOO FUCKING MUCH FOR YOU.

[prankster_gambit]

[you fiddle with your godtier hood, nervously play with the tip of it.]

But. I do pity you Karkat and i know that's really rude so I won't say it again but-

[wait. You vaguely remember what he said about trolls and how they have hate and pity and how pity is basically like love and-

you flush bright red and kind of gawk at him because does that mean that he's started pitying you now, instead of hating you? And you just told him you pity him! Twice!...and you're not sure you want to take it back! You turtle back in your hoodie to hide your face and gosh, you sure are glad it's so big!]

Uhm, okay. I'm sor- I mean. Okay.

[what does this meeaaan?]

[pincerattack]

[AGREED, WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS EVEN MEAN.]

[you pretty much just have your face in your hands at this point, because oh gog your whole face must be bright red and yeah, you seem to have screamed to the entire universe that you're a mutant but there's no need to advertise what color your stupid mutant blood is.]

Just... what part are you even saying okay to?

[you're guessing it's 'okay, I'll shut up,' but, well, he does keep saying really determined things like BUT I DO PITY YOU and oh gog it's like you're in a movie and this is stupid but also pretty much the culmination of every unrealistic flushed-confession scenario you could have possibly wanted from anyone. which is why it can't possibly be true and he's just saying that yes, he will shut up.]

[prankster_gambit]

[you chew on your bottom lip because you don't know and you don't want to be a huge jerk and get his hopes up again but you also aren't sure what you're feeling either and. Gosh. GOSH.]

I don't know what I'm saying okay to!

[well, that's just going to make him mad! Again!]

I mean, uh, I guess I'm not saying I will shut up because, haha, I don't know how to shut up, everyone's always told me I sure do like to babble a lot and...

[oh god. this is really awkward and you slap your hands over your face, in your hood]

Uh, anyways, I will totally think about what I say before I say it and I'm sorry for being so dumb about all this!

[pincerattack]

[yeah, he's just going to-- WAIT, WHAT. SERIOUSLY, WHAT. either he's intentionally skirting the question to avoid the subject, he's pranking you, or he meant to say he will not shut up in the way the question was framed.

OH GOG. OH JEGUS. YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHICH ONE IT IS RIGHT NOW.

...you peek out from between your fingers anyway! because maybe you can tell from his face if he's being sincere or not! except you can't, because he's making the exact same gesture you are under his hood. you aren't up to talking right now, though. nope. not until you've figured out if you're being had or not.]

[prankster_gambit]

[oh jeez, Karkat's not saying anything and that's just. bad. You tilt your head and look at him from around your hoodie and he's-

he's peeking at you! Despite the situation, you grin because gosh, that sure is...something, anyway.]

Uh. I guess I'm saying okay to both the shutting up about things I don't understand and the, you know. The pity thing too.

[pincerattack]

[and now he is looking and it doesn't look like he's pranking you! and he SAID YES ABOUT BOTH and he probably doesn't know what he's talking about, still, and it's the most pitiful thing you've ever seen.

... <333333333]

B-both?

[oh, of course your voice would come out weird and squeaky! IT JUST FIGURES. you sort of inch towards him, though, sideways sort of like a crab. because, well, nervousness calls back childhood habits you picked up from your lusus! until you're close enough you can see his stupid teeth and his stupid highblood eyes up close and fuck you're going to regret this: you hug him.]

[prankster_gambit]

[oh gosh, he sure is getting close and he's coming at you sideways, are you guys about to strife-

....oh. Oh! A hug! Whew! Also, it's about time! You lean your head against his shoulder and grin.]

See, Karkat? Hugs are awesome.

[pincerattack]

[this is way, way different from moirail hugs, that's for sure! it's pretty obvious now why they call moirallegiance pale and matespritship flushed, because it feels like all of your blood is sparking, like it's that stupid strawberry sludge Gamzee drinks and all the bubbles are popping up against your skin. ...and if you're making comparisons like that, even in your head, you need to sit down and remind yourself THAT'S CARBONATION, FUCKASS. not that you'll be doing that right now! your face must be so, so red with it right now, and you can't even care.

you sure aren't going anywhere right now, just hanging on because this? this is awesome.]