This is definitely not LOWAS

[prankster_gambit]

[In a particularly nasty part of the already generally unpleasant cave, John Egbert descends, catching himself before he takes a nasty fall. This place sure doesn't look familiar but that's okay. Nothing has looked familiar in a while! Instead of climbing down the steep decline, John floats down because gosh, floating is awesome; he's pretty that if floating were a thing people could just do, shoes would be totally obsolete.

Landing at the bottom of whatever makes up caves - biology is his thing, not geology! - John looks around.]

Hello?

Comments

[pincerattack]

[as trolls who could have overheard this go, Tavros is actually probably the second-best case scenario you could have here, after Kanaya. Kanaya would be better because you KNOW she can keep her mouth shut. you know full well Tavros isn't going to turn you in himself, but quite frankly you're terrified he'll tell Gamzee something and then your pitiful, sopor-drunk moirail will go on some tangent to the wrong person about what a miracle his moirail is and then bam, culled!]

Don't say a word to Gamzee.

[you hope it looks like you're shaking with rage

even though it's definitely not rage]

[bythehorns]

[you have two terrified modes: silent and babbling. choose wisely.]

Okay, um, that is, I think, not how moirails, are supposed to work, but, I am not, the authority there, since, I have never had one, and, you know more about those things, than I do, so, I can do that, and also, thank you, for not just killing me, right away, as soon as you realized that, I had heard that...

[pincerattack]

[ha ha ha ha like Karkat is capable of killing anyone, but it's a huge self-esteem boost to know that someone out there thinks he is!! awww yeah he IS a badass. ...though he fails at moirallegiance, Tavros, don't use him as an example.]

He just. He doesn't have an off switch. He'll say something to somebody, without meaning to. He can't find out about this. ...besides, if he doesn't know about it they. Might not cull him when they find out about me.

...just keep your mouth shut about it, for fuck's sake. If I find out you told anyone, I am going to break your horns off and shove them through your aruicular sponges.

[bythehorns]

[going to work hard on just thinking about being terrified here, because if you stop being terrified you might have room for other feelings, like pity, and you have a matesprit and he has a moirail, which means that would just be even more awkward on top of an already uncomfortable situation]

I, uh, won't tell anyone, Karkat.

N-not even, just because, you threatened me. I don't, uh, want to make, anything bad, happen to you.

[pincerattack]

[does the fact that his matesprit and your moirail are the same troll make things more or less awkward, anyway?]

...don't you dare fucking pity me, either.

[because, well, Karkat has actually gotten the hang of completely platonic pity down pretty well! that's how he feels about Kanaya and Sollux most of the time! but a lot of trolls don't seem to get it and wow, potential awkwardness!]

[bythehorns]

[oh gog he can read your mind you hate it when they can do that it always ends in doom and pain]

S-sorry, uh, I'll, do my best, not to, feel anything like that, at all, for any reason, and, if it helps, I think, you're actually, pretty scary....

[pincerattack]

[omg yay someone thinks you are scary!! finally!! ...too bad it's Tavros, which basically makes you Vriska, you tool.]

About gogdamn time somebody thinks so.

[bythehorns]

[he tells you not to pity him and then he makes sad pouting face WHAT DO]

I-I'm sure I'm, not the only one....

[pincerattack]

[maybe you should stop being such a pity tease if you're going to yell at John for being a hate tease, you hypocrite!]

...name one other person who actually thinks I'm scary.

[oh gog that hurt to ask]

[bythehorns]

U-um....

[why is everyone you know so much braver than you are]

[pincerattack]

[yyyyep, that's about what he thought! nobody thinks a tiny troll with nubby horns and the inability to do more than look like a loser alone in his room practicing with his weapon is particularly scary. at least Tavros has horns that could kill somebody! and robo-legs!]

See?

[bythehorns]

...I bet, uh, Gamzee would, agree with me.

Even if, he's not scared of you, himself, since, he's not scared of, anything, even, when he maybe should be.

[is this how comfort works i have no idea fffff]

[faygoandpie]

[welp Karkat's yelling something motherfucking fierce and Tavbro is looking a little panicked.]

What the fuck is the ruckus all up in here, my motherfucking brothers?

[bythehorns]

Oh, Gamzee, uh --

Tell Karkat, how scary, he is, because, he doesn't believe me, when I tell him.

[faygoandpie]

Hell yeah, Karkat's scary! He's the scariest motherfucker all up in this bitch and the only reason why I ain't running in fear when I hear him coming is because he's my motherfucking bro and I ain't even got to worry about it.

[you tilt your head to one side because there's something that just isn't right about this whole motherfucking setup but you can't put your prong on it.]

[bythehorns]

There, uh, see, that is, what I wanted to say, but, you make it, sound lots better.

[pincerattack]

[facepalm]

What am I going to do, yell someone to death? Terrorize them over Trollian until they drop? Snap and shove them into one of those stupid treasure chests they like so much?

[bythehorns]

[??????]

I thought, uh, you were, pretty good, with those sickles, weren't you?

[pincerattack]

You mean the sickles I put in a fetch modus I can't even open without half an hour and a reference book.

[you are so done with this at this point you're not even defending your programming skills at this point. stupid hacker fetch modus. why did you ever think that was a good idea? oh, right, because Sollux told you it was a bad fucking idea and you had to prove him wrong!]

[bythehorns]

...I think, um, maybe, I should just, not talk anymore, since, it seems like, I just keep making it worse. Um. Sorry.

[pincerattack]

FOR FUCK'S SAKE, STOP ACTING LIKE I JUST KILLED ONE OF YOUR FIDUSPAWN.

[faygoandpie]

I dunno, bro, I bet motherfuckers can be scared to death and your voice is all up and fucking terrifying.

[gogdamn, you are a motherfucking awesome moirail]

[pincerattack]

[...okay, you can almost give him that one. almost!]

Uh. Okay. I guess that could work.

[faygoandpie]

Fuck yeah, bro.

[he's looking pretty damn stressed the fuck out and you reached out and pap him]

[pincerattack]

[it does feel nice to get papped right now! but it's kind of your fault that Tavros is upset right now, too, and you did hog all of Gamzee's attention yesterday with your stupid arrival and your stupid tantrum about it.]

You should probably go and have, you know. Matesprit time. I'll be okay by myself.