crankycave | This is definitely not LOWAS

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This is definitely not LOWAS

[In a particularly nasty part of the already generally unpleasant cave, John Egbert descends, catching himself before he takes a nasty fall. This place sure doesn't look familiar but that's okay. Nothing has looked familiar in a while! Instead of climbing down the steep decline, John floats down because gosh, floating is awesome; he's pretty that if floating were a thing people could just do, shoes would be totally obsolete.

Landing at the bottom of whatever makes up caves - biology is his thing, not geology! - John looks around.]

Hello?

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[--did you completely misread that awkwardness? you could have sworn-- well, maybe you need to watch some human romantic comedies, even if they're stupid and only have one quadrant.]

I'M--

[and there you are, not able to get the actual words in edgewise because he's hugging you again! and fuck, it still feels really awesome and just how touchy is John, anyway? he's actually chasing you down to hug you, which is... actually kind of like Gamzee on a feelings jam rampage, actually, except somehow way less annoying. which is a string of words that should never be within five paragraphs of John, but there it-- WHAT THE FUCK IS HE CALLING YOU. WHY IS HE TALKING LIKE NEPETA. talk about a feelings killer!]

...THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL ME?

[fine then, if he's going to call you stupid names then you're going to make this awkward, after all!! it seems like there's enough room for you to turn around, which will put your face right in front of his and he can see what was wrong and it'll be awkward! so there!]

[Haha, you sure didn't think he would like that name! You laugh until he turns around and you choke on your laughter.]

Karkat, what happened?!

[You grip his face in your hands and stare at his eyes and you're pretty sure your eyes are going to pop right out of your head! His eyes are glossed over red a-and-]

Why are you bleeding?! Is there something in your eyes? Come on, let's go wash them out!

[you actually can't tell if John is mocking your or if he's just the stupidest person in five universes. possibly both! you definitely need to watch some human movies, at any rate, because you haven't flailed around relationships this much since you were a wriggler who was too young to watch the really risque blackrom stuff (at least, you're pretty sure that's why your lusus kept turning them off).]

HAHA, YEAH, IT'S TOTALLY HILARIOUS THAT I CRIED LIKE SOME STUPID WRIGGLER. YOU CAN STOP THE DRAMATIC PRANK.

Oh, you're crying?!

[you heave a deep breath and let go of him to lean back and grin.]

Gosh, Karkat, I thought you got something horrible stuck in your eyes. Like. The universe's most lethal dust or something!

[You pause.]

Wait. Why were you crying?!

[wait, what. LOOKS LIKE STUPIDEST PERSON IN FIVE UNIVERSES, IT IS.]

For fuck's sake. I REALIZE I HAVE MUTANT FREAK-COLORED BLOOD, BUT IS IT REALLY NECESSARY TO MAKE A FUCKING TEN-ACT STAGE PRODUCTION OUT OF HOW WEIRD IT IS?

[...fuck, he's forward about all that pity, isn't he? it's kind of nice! nicer than those times Terezi licked your eyeball, anyway, and that's most of your prior personal experience with romantic pity.]

FUCK, I DON'T KNOW. THIS IS SO STUPID, I DON'T EVEN KNOW!

Okay dude, no, your blood's the same color as mine, why would it freak me out? It's just jeeez, I sure wasn't expecting it to be coming from your eyes! I didn't know trolls cried blood, that sure is weird!

[you wonder if trolls need a blood transfusion if they go through a really bad breakup or if there's a death in the family. you decide now is not the time to ask!]

It's not a big deal, Karkat! You're just experiencing a major case of the feelings, I guess! It happens to everyone!

[okay, you academically know this is true but it still makes you kind of twitchy to hear him just say it like that! especially when his eyes don't match it so it's not like anyone can tell!]

YEAH, FUCK, WHAT AM I THINKING, ASSUMING THAT THE HORRIBLE CULLING-WORTHY MUTATION I HAVE WOULDN'T BE NORMAL FOR SOME MOTHERFUCKER FROM ANOTHER PLANET! LO, I AM TRULY A VAST EXAMPLE OF IGNORANCE, THE STUPIDEST BEING IN FIVE UNIVERSES. WRIGGLERS ON OTHER WORLDS ARE GOING TO READ ABOUT ME AS WHO NOT TO EMULATE.

[you aren't doing a very good job of sounding angry. actually, you sound a little bit hysterical.]

[You're getting frustrated but you kind of feel bad for being frustrated but jeeez, Karkat keeps twisting everything up so that you feel like a huge jerk! Even though you're not even sure what he's saying most of the time!]

Augh, calm down, I didn't say anything like that! Everything I say makes you mad at me! Should I leave you alone or something?

[OH HEY LOOK, ANOTHER FAILURE! Congratulations, Karkat, you have leveled up from YAPPING ANKLEBITER to JADED JACKASS on your echeladder! This level-up gives you no boondollars, because they are useless here. It also gives you a crushing sense of disappointment! In fact, you somewhat suspect you have lost a rank.]

I-- NO!

[For once in your fucking life you actually realize it might be time to stop yelling, if only because you're scrubbing at your eyes pretty suspiciously.]

This is really hard for me, okay?

[you're pretty sure whatever you say will probably make him angry so you go ahead and blurt words out!]

Okay, I get that and I get that you don't really trust me! I guess you don't actually have a reason to and your life sure has been difficult! But gosh, Karkat. I don't really know how not to make you angry! Not the regular angry, I mean. The super angry!

You keep acting like all these horrible things don't mean anything! When you find out something that could get me killed and all you say is haha, so what, of course that makes me angry! And you keep saying these things that I know you don't understand, so I'm angry at myself for taking them the way I want to hear instead of whatever human way you mean them! And then I do stupid things like scream because I'm mad at myself, or cry like a stupid grub, and that just makes it worse!

[You're just blurting out words at this point, too! This is the biggest feelings jam you've probably ever had.]

But Karkat, I would never so what your death! You are pretty important to me! And I'm sorry that I don't understand things the way that trolls do but I'm human and you don't exactly explain them to me in a way that I understand, which I guess is really no one's fault since we're totally coming from different cultures! But jeeez, you're not the most patient guy around!

[You've never been in a serious argument before. You don't like them.]

You already did! And then I tried to explain why you would freak out about my blood color and you just got mad and said you couldn't understand what I was saying! And you keep saying that you pity me and you're sorry for me and all these other things that mean you like me and when I tell you not to say them because you don't know what you're saying, you keep going!

[well, there went the point of no return on that. prepare to be shot down in three... two... one...]

[oh no, your eyes feel kind of prickly, stop that! This isn't about you so don't start crying, jeeez John Egbert, get a grip!]

Well I don't understand a lot of what you say! Blood color isn't a thing for me so I guess I totally brushed that off like a huge jerk and I'm sorry! And uh, Karkat, I kind of said that I was down with the whole pity thing! I mean, that's what trolls call the not-hatey part of romance, right?

Yes! It is! Which is--

[What he actually just said is sinking in! OH. OH. You lower the volume even more, because fuck, this is scary, scary territory.]

You knew what it meant the whole time? I've been acting like an idiot about this for no reason? I thought I was being creepy and that's why you were weird about the hug! ARGH!

No, you weren't being creepy! I was just really embarrassed, I guess!

[you shrug. There's really not much else to say although you're really glad it was just a breakdown in communications instead of Karkat just being an asshole!]

Oh.

[You fidget a little, because you feel kind of awkward just standing here during your big pity confession but you don't really want to embarass him more than you already have.]

I. I pity you, too.

[fiiiidget. blush. oh gog your face must look like a... very red thing.]

[oh gosh your face is so red you're pretty sure it's going to explode like in cartoons! You scrub your eyes before grinning.]

That's awesome!

[You pause before mentally shrugging - another hug is coming, it definitely seems like that is a thing that's suppose to happen - and wrap your arms around his shoulders again.]

I don't watch a lot of romcoms but when I do, I'm pretty sure they go something like this!

[Congratulations, you've gone back up the echeladder, and have leveled up to BOYFRIENDLEADER. ...still no boondollars, though. But that's okay, because huggig him? Still awesome.]

Well, I've watched plenty of them. ...and yeah, some of them do.

[In fact, you could pretty much title this In Which A Mutant Troll Living His Life Outside The Hemospectrum Gets Taken To Another World By Some Weird Means, And It Is A World Without Culling That He Does Not Really Want To Leave Even Though He Has Responsibilities And That Makes Him A Tool But He Doesn't Care, And He Meets Up With A Human He Knows Who Has Also Come There And It Turns Out His Long Standing Black Crush Was Actually Flushed This Whole Time And He Realizes It When He Sees How Pitiful This Human Is Face To Face, And They Confess Their Pity Feelings After Some Fighting And There Is No Kissing Yet Because They Are Six Sweeps Old And This Isn't That Kind Of Movie And Anyway They Are Probably Not Ready For That Yet Because They Only Just Confessed Their Feelings But There Are Two Hugs. Your life is now a romcom. This is awesome.]

[you pull away and grin at him]

I'll really try and stop being so stupid and human when you tell me about troll stuff, okay? Just let me know when I'm being a huge jerk. I'll listen, I promise!

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This is definitely not LOWAS

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