ITP: inappropriate orifices

[bythehorns]

[In the one of the more livable regions of the cave this afternoon (evening? who even knows, in here), Tavros is examining a troll-sized tub of green slime that the fuk dwarves have just finished making for him. It's a deep, pearly pink, and the opening at the top of it looks like...well, let's be polite and say it looks like a Georgia O'Keeffe painting. The fuk dwarves have ideas about what holes in things should look like (nsfw).]

Wow, that's, a lot fancier, than I was expecting, with the decorative folds, and everything....

((pester Tavros about his obscene home furnishings! or pester the fuk dwarves for inappropriate boons of your own. everybody needs more decorative genitals in their lives, right?))

Comments

[bythehorns]

I don't actually remember, the exact number, but Alternia's navy conquered, a couple of thousand.

[glorious]

[! ! !]

[glorious]

...That's an, impressive achievement.

[faygoandpie]

[!!!!!!]

Motherfucking bro, that is just fucking awesome. I would throw down some slam poetry about it except my think pan has all up and frozen on me.

[iiiinches closer]

I think I'm the happiest motherfucking all up in this cave though.

[faygoandpie]

bro, you need to be all opening your think pan up to the miracle that is this motherfucking recuperacoon.

[bythehorns]

No, they're different ones, um, and I think mostly, they're older. Like, there was one, that I met today, who has hair on his face, which I think, is only a thing, for adults.

[bythehorns]

Karkat could tell you, more than I could, or Eridan, I guess, but Eridan, isn't here.

[onlyhonournow]

Again, thank you, but I'll have to decline.

[onlyhonournow]

[holding out his hand anyway, you can totes shake a finger]

...Drift. My apologies for being so... cautious.

[pincerattack]

[H-hair. On the face. Oh gog, that thought is legitimately disgusting. Wouldn't it get caught in your teeth? Maybe humans don't make out with each other. That might explain some of the more bizarre things about them. Still, ugh. He can't help but shudder at the thought. Though maybe if he holds it close to his blood pumper and thinks about it whenever the subject of humans comes up, JOHN HUMAN MOTHERFUCKING EGBERT won't be an-- nope, doesn't work. GOGDAMNIT.]

...ew.

[glorious]

Karkat...I assume he's a friend of yours?

[onlyhonournow]

Not all surprises are unwelcome.

[bythehorns]

Yeah, um, I know, what you mean. I think, I'd like to, do more of this, if that's okay.

[Gamzee: receive awkward hug!]

[pincerattack]

[THE THINGS YOU DO FOR YOUR FRIEND.]

It's very nice. I am sorry I did not properly appreciate the fanciness of Tavros's new recuperacoon.

[...twiiitch.]

[glorious]

[that will do]

We're all lost in a strange place. It's understandable for you to be wary.

[onlyhonournow]

Having at some point, in his endless travels of the galaxy, explored and become enamoured with a particular group of islands, Drift tilts his head as he recognises that distinctive poetic beat. Not wanting to startle her, he kneels, moving as slowly as he can...

...and snaps his mouth shut as he finds himself lacking in the appropriate metric for conveying his greetings. What a winner.

[bythehorns]

[nods]

He's the leader, of our group, sort of by accident, by which I mean, he's not at the top of the hemospectrum, but he got us all to work together, sort of.

[glorious]

[This is an incredibly loud tantrum, though faintly familiar.]

You seem to be in a poor mood.

[faygoandpie]

[b-b-baw]

[hugs back]

You can do this all the fuck you want, little bro.

[glorious]

When I find him, I'll be certain to ask him about Alternia's navy.

Do you mind clarifying what you mean when you say 'hemospectrum'?

[bythehorns]

You are a little alarmed. When girls try to get that close to you, often it means bad things are about to happen. But maybe with humans it's different? You come closer. "You won't, hurt me, right?"

[bythehorns]

Not, uh, his entire face, I mean, just sort of, a few patches.

But it was, pretty weird.

[pincerattack]

[what. WHAT. IF THIS SOME KIND OF HUMAN SARCASM UNDERSTATEMENT, then he is NOT IN THE MOOD FOR THIS. not that he ever is! BUT LESS SO THAN USUAL, EVEN. plus oh gog you have that hair. on your face. That wasn't made up to gross you out. don't stare at the human's unnatural facehair, Karkat.]

WELL, I WONDER WHY! IT'S NOT LIKE I JUST WOUND UP FALLING INTO A CAVE AND HITTING A BUNCH OF GOGDAMN ROCKS ALL OVER THE PLACE AND I'M LUCKY I'M NOT FUCKING BLEEDING FROM IT. AND NOW THERE ARE A BUNCH OF HUMANS HERE, TOO, AND HUMANS ARE THE MOST THINKPAN-NUMBINGLY ANNOYING GRUBSUCKING CREATURES I HAVE EVER COME ACROSS IN THE ENTIRE COSMOS. WHEN I BECOME A THRESHECUTIONER I AM GOING TO THEIR MOTHERFUCKING PLANET AND WIPING IT OFF THE MAP IN THE NAME OF THE GOGDAMN EMPIRE.

[bythehorns]

[making some snorty wuffling noises into your shoulder for a little bit]

We should, um, probably get a new recuperacroon, for you, too, right?

[bythehorns]

It is a thing trolls have, to decide who is important, but uh, it doesn't matter here, so I think maybe, I would rather, not talk about it.