crankycave | ITP: inappropriate orifices

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ITP: inappropriate orifices

[In the one of the more livable regions of the cave this afternoon (evening? who even knows, in here), Tavros is examining a troll-sized tub of green slime that the fuk dwarves have just finished making for him. It's a deep, pearly pink, and the opening at the top of it looks like...well, let's be polite and say it looks like a Georgia O'Keeffe painting. The fuk dwarves have ideas about what holes in things should look like (nsfw).]

Wow, that's, a lot fancier, than I was expecting, with the decorative folds, and everything....

((pester Tavros about his obscene home furnishings! or pester the fuk dwarves for inappropriate boons of your own. everybody needs more decorative genitals in their lives, right?))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[why did none of the other humans say this to me oh gosh whyyyyy now they all think I have hobbies like Equius's or something D:]

Oh, um, wow, uh, I had, um, no idea, that is, I don't know, about human things, like that, and now, I feel, really uncomfortable....

[She's not sure if it's better or worse that it was unintentional. Probably better.]

If you didn't know, it's not really your fault. [tilts head] Did you design it yourself?

No, uh, that is, I explained, the basic part, that I need, which is, for it to hold the sopor slime, but not, for it to look any special way.

[so. awkward.]

...I guess, this is why, that other human, told me, I should cover it up....

[desperately attempting to keep a straight face]

Well. It's just body parts, it doesn't bother me particularly, but it was unusual.

I don't think we've actually been introduced. I'm Celes Chere. I'm a-- [slight pause, stutter] former general.

Thank you, for, telling me....

Oh, uh, I am, Tavros Nitram, and I am, uh, [looking down at mechanical legs] probably not, going to be a soldier, at all.

Sure. ....If it helps, I knew someone who probably would have done this on purpose. [very faint smile]

Not everyone has to be a soldier. War is...a terrible thing, honestly, and usually engaged in for the wrong reasons. That's part of why I'm not a general anymore.

What do you do instead, then? I admit I've little idea how not to be a soldier; I've never not been one.

That is, I think, a thing that is different, between humans, and trolls, since, when we grow up, if we don't get culled, we are supposed to, all serve, in the Fleet.

I, um, like to do things like, play Fiduspawn, and have rap battles, with my best friend, and, I used to like FLARPing, but, not since, my accident....

It depends on the humans. I was genetically engineered to serve, but some nations don't. Well, most don't even have the capability to breed to spec, really, where I'm from. Maybe it's different for you.

I...don't think I've ever done any of those. Are rap battles something like sparring with sticks instead of live steel?

[FLARPing sounds like something Setzer would say to distract me with nonsense while he was swapping cards...]

Yeah, uh, for us, the imperial drones, and the mother grub, do all of the breeding stuff, but I don't know, the detail parts, about that.

Uh, a rap battle, is also, if you are being fancy, called, slam poetry, so it is, not much like, using sticks. Sometimes, with FLARPing, you use, pretend swords, but, some trolls, like to play it, with real ones, instead....

[So they also have an Empire...]

Oh. I've...never done that either. You have interesting customs.

If you're all supposed to serve in the Fleet, is the FLARPing like a training regimen?

I guess it is, sort of like that, only, with more pretending, since, it is a game where, you can play like, you are heroes, and you try to, defeat the other team, by setting challenges, for each other.

[with a wry smile] Sounds more interesting than mine was.

[she glances back at the, erm, unusually designed sleeping apparatus] Did you want help covering that? Or do you want to leave it as is?

It is not, official, or anything, and I bet, the real training, won't be any fun, at all, if that makes you, feel better.

I think, maybe, moving it somewhere, out of the way, would be a good start, partly because, it looks like that, but also because, it is for sleeping in, so a quiet place, would be best.

[shifting her sword belt so it won't get in the way of hauling heavy things] Okay. Where do you want it?

[I-I am totally going to help, because this is at least a two-troll job, with the part where it's full of slime]

Um, if we could, take it down that pathway, there is a smaller cave, that might be better, for sleeping in....

[she eyes the slime as she moves toward what she guesses is the heaviest part] This might be a little easier if we could decant the slime somewhere temporarily--or does that make it not function anymore?

Uh, we could decant it, yeah, if we had, a thing, to put it in, and it should be, still okay, to use....

[pondering where we might find an appropriate container for this much goo]

Do we maybe have some buckets handy somewhere?

[asdkjfhkjlag COUGHING and also cheeks turning deep bronze instead of gray]

I-I, um, I, that is, er, I.

Uh.

[nope, no coherence here. only blushing now.]

Are you all right? [considering whether it is appropriate to cast Scan to make sure he's not hurt or ill, why does no one explain the politeness value of spells in basic training] Was it something I said?

I-I-I, um, maybe, is there...

is there, anything else, we could try?

[trying not to just hide under things in pure mortification]

[she blinks]

[what on earth could be so embarrassing about a water container?]

Clearly I misstepped here...where I am from, a bucket is about such size [sketching outlines with her hands] and you use it for carrying liquids? Like water from the well.

[so puzzled]

[still blushing about as brown as he goes and mumbling at the cave floor. oh gog gestures and that is a serious bucket the human soldier just suggested, like, how would you even fill a bucket that big]

Liquids, like, um. Like. Genetic material.

[eyes widen, a blush roughly like wine spilled on snow starting to crawl up her face]

....You sure do use them for different things here. No, we don't...put....genetic material in there. I guess if you wanted to kill someone and drain their blood into a bucket you could fill it that way, but I'm guessing that's not what you meant. We don't, um.... [blushing redder] oh, hell with it. If someone could produce that much--or I guess several someones--it'd be pretty impressive, yeah.

....Well, now we've both accidentally brought awkward into this conversation!

[somewhat nervously] what about a tub? Or I mean I guess maybe I could just freeze the... [she looks at the slime] the filling material, unless that would negate its chemical properties. Chemistry was never my strong point.

[wow, humans really do blush red, just like you've heard they do, that's -- you should not be staring, it can't be polite]

Um, maybe, since we have both done it, now we can just, pretend, it never happened, at all.

If you think, you could freeze it, we could, try that. My friend, Gamzee, has baked it, before, without making it, stop working, so, I think, changing the temperature, should be, okay.

ITP: inappropriate orifices

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