ITP: inappropriate orifices

[bythehorns]

[In the one of the more livable regions of the cave this afternoon (evening? who even knows, in here), Tavros is examining a troll-sized tub of green slime that the fuk dwarves have just finished making for him. It's a deep, pearly pink, and the opening at the top of it looks like...well, let's be polite and say it looks like a Georgia O'Keeffe painting. The fuk dwarves have ideas about what holes in things should look like (nsfw).]

Wow, that's, a lot fancier, than I was expecting, with the decorative folds, and everything....

((pester Tavros about his obscene home furnishings! or pester the fuk dwarves for inappropriate boons of your own. everybody needs more decorative genitals in their lives, right?))

Comments

[ice_and_steel]

[Do they call it something different here? Edgar's reaction the last time she used the word most familiar to her was to turn an alarming shade of red and say that perhaps she would reconsider using that word quite so loudly in the middle of the fanciest inn in Jidoor.]

[taking refuge in biology] It's a word for a woman's reproductive parts.

[bythehorns]

[why did none of the other humans say this to me oh gosh whyyyyy now they all think I have hobbies like Equius's or something D:]

Oh, um, wow, uh, I had, um, no idea, that is, I don't know, about human things, like that, and now, I feel, really uncomfortable....

[ice_and_steel]

[She's not sure if it's better or worse that it was unintentional. Probably better.]

If you didn't know, it's not really your fault. [tilts head] Did you design it yourself?

[bythehorns]

No, uh, that is, I explained, the basic part, that I need, which is, for it to hold the sopor slime, but not, for it to look any special way.

[so. awkward.]

...I guess, this is why, that other human, told me, I should cover it up....

[ice_and_steel]

[desperately attempting to keep a straight face]

Well. It's just body parts, it doesn't bother me particularly, but it was unusual.

I don't think we've actually been introduced. I'm Celes Chere. I'm a-- [slight pause, stutter] former general.

[bythehorns]

Thank you, for, telling me....

Oh, uh, I am, Tavros Nitram, and I am, uh, [looking down at mechanical legs] probably not, going to be a soldier, at all.

[ice_and_steel]

Sure. ....If it helps, I knew someone who probably would have done this on purpose. [very faint smile]

Not everyone has to be a soldier. War is...a terrible thing, honestly, and usually engaged in for the wrong reasons. That's part of why I'm not a general anymore.

What do you do instead, then? I admit I've little idea how not to be a soldier; I've never not been one.

[bythehorns]

That is, I think, a thing that is different, between humans, and trolls, since, when we grow up, if we don't get culled, we are supposed to, all serve, in the Fleet.

I, um, like to do things like, play Fiduspawn, and have rap battles, with my best friend, and, I used to like FLARPing, but, not since, my accident....

[ice_and_steel]

It depends on the humans. I was genetically engineered to serve, but some nations don't. Well, most don't even have the capability to breed to spec, really, where I'm from. Maybe it's different for you.

I...don't think I've ever done any of those. Are rap battles something like sparring with sticks instead of live steel?

[FLARPing sounds like something Setzer would say to distract me with nonsense while he was swapping cards...]

[flies]

What's your friend like?

[bythehorns]

Yeah, uh, for us, the imperial drones, and the mother grub, do all of the breeding stuff, but I don't know, the detail parts, about that.

Uh, a rap battle, is also, if you are being fancy, called, slam poetry, so it is, not much like, using sticks. Sometimes, with FLARPing, you use, pretend swords, but, some trolls, like to play it, with real ones, instead....

[ice_and_steel]

[So they also have an Empire...]

Oh. I've...never done that either. You have interesting customs.

If you're all supposed to serve in the Fleet, is the FLARPing like a training regimen?

[bythehorns]

He's, uh, really nice, but he's also, sort of, more relaxed, than most trolls, are supposed to be.

[flies]

More relaxed, huh? Pinkie's never relaxed.

Do you guys like pranks?

[bythehorns]

I guess it is, sort of like that, only, with more pretending, since, it is a game where, you can play like, you are heroes, and you try to, defeat the other team, by setting challenges, for each other.

[ice_and_steel]

[with a wry smile] Sounds more interesting than mine was.

[she glances back at the, erm, unusually designed sleeping apparatus] Did you want help covering that? Or do you want to leave it as is?

[bythehorns]

....Um, why, do you ask?

[flies]

This place is boring. It needs some livening up, don't you think?

[bythehorns]

It is not, official, or anything, and I bet, the real training, won't be any fun, at all, if that makes you, feel better.

I think, maybe, moving it somewhere, out of the way, would be a good start, partly because, it looks like that, but also because, it is for sleeping in, so a quiet place, would be best.

[bythehorns]

Mostly, uh, I am really happy, with how much, it isn't awful here.

[flies]

Pranks not your thing, huh? Uh, okay. We don't have to have any, if you want.

[bythehorns]

It's just that, nobody here, has tried to kill me, or make me feel bad, and that's, a big change, from back home, so I like it, a lot better.

[flies]

That...doesn't sound very nice at all.

[bythehorns]

[shakes head]

And here, the worst thing, that has happened, is, that my recuperacoon, looks like, human intimate parts.

Which is, still pretty embarrassing.

[flies]

[...baaaaaacking away from the recuperacoon then.]

Heh heh, yeah. That's...That's not a very funny prank either.