[from the pages—or rather, springs of Ranma ½, we bring to you. . .]

[onlyhonournow]

 [today, there's a rather large dog sitting, looking very reserved while gazing at the sky above the Fussin' Overlook]

[the dog seems rather familiar: there's something in its expression—and I mean, there can't be that many white dogs with red accents who have two swords strapped to their backs.] 

Comments

[onlyhonournow]

[huffing, in amusement. Rolling over, submissively. AND IT SPEAKS, why oh why does it sound... so... robot-y?:]

Hello, Karkat.

[pincerattack]

[now you really are jumping back, because WHAT THE HELL BARKBEASTS CAN'T TALK THIS IS FUCKED UP. setting aside that the sword-carrying barkbeast is speaking, we all remember what happened the last time you ran into a suspiciously intelligent barkbeast monster with a sword, namely, it destroyed twelve planets and two dream planets and like everything fucking else. HAVE WE ESTABLISHED YET IN WHAT DIRECTION THIS SITUATION IS FUCKED? BECAUSE IT IS UP.]

I REALIZE MY INCOMPETENCE MUST BE LEGENDARY IN ALL THE WORLDS BY NOW, BUT THAT STILL DOESN'T EXPLAIN HOW YOU APPARENTLY KNOW ME BY SIGHT, WEIRD TALKING BARKBEAST.

[onlyhonournow]

[we are beginning to realise that Drift was dropped into cave for the sole purpose of making Karkat's life 20% more awkward and at least 5% more hard.]

[rolls back onto his belly, but remains flopped, with his ears tilted back a little out of apprehension]

Sorry.

[pause, as you remember nobody likes you :(]





... It's Drift. I'm Drift.

[pincerattack]

[what the hell WHAT IS LOGIC you don't even know anymore]

HOW THE HELL IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE, YOU'RE A ROBOT! YOU CAN'T JUST SPONTANEOUSLY TRANSFORM INTO ORGANIC MATTER LIKE THAT! IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY! PHYSICS AND BIOLOGY DO NOT FUCKING WORK THAT WAY!

[onlyhonournow]

[ears all the way back now, yelling is a lot more uncomfortable when you have doggy hearing :( :(]

I'm just as surprised as you are. ... but maybe not as angry.

[a small, low whine escapes from his muzzle]

[pincerattack]

[look, the laws of the universe are failing you and that's just not on. but you are the sort of guy who feels bad when you yell at fluffy animals and pathetic trolls, especially when they are clearly distressed by it. and guess what, even knowing academically that this barkbeast is a giant robot asshole who got on the wrong side of a shitty wizard or something-- hey, maybe the Bucketwitch did it, she clearly has all kinds of horrific powers like the one she used to get rid of the pneumatic drill going through your thinkpan that one day-- doesn't change the sick feeling you get that you are distressing a defenseless animal, Karkat Vantas.]

Why doesn't anything here make sense?

[onlyhonournow]

[at least you have your priorities straight, Karkat. Fuzzy animals do trump all over forms of life.]

That—is a very good question.

[he rolls over again, in an attempt to placate Karkat further. Is it working?]

[pincerattack]

[NOTHING WILL EVER PLACATE YOU. YOU ARE UN-PLACATABLE. TROLL WILL SMITH COULD BE PETTING YOU ON THE HEAD AND SAYING 'SHHHH, KARKAT, ONLY THE LAWS OF NATURE MAKING SENSE NOW' AND YOU WOULD STILL BE THE ABSOLUTE OPPOSITE OF PLACATED. SO THERE.]

...what are you doing?

[onlyhonournow]

[oh that is extremely ridiculous isn't it.

I

think I'll just casually turn back over now, and pretend that did not happen.]

... Nothing. Nothing. I apologise. ... for barking.

I should not have barked.

[pincerattack]

[whaaaaat.]

Is this some kind of weird joke that's going to end with me yelling until I die and you going on about your goddamn prankster's gambit? Because I already live that every damn day with John and don't need a robot version of that. I WILL SKIP RIGHT TO THE YELLING PART IF THAT'S WHAT THIS IS.

Seriously, this is a trick, right? You're trying to confuse me and make me look like the thinkpan-rotted fool that I indubitably am?

[onlyhonournow]

[ears fwip back again, reflexively, and he raises himself a little, just enough to be able to back up slowly.]

—No. I'm truly sorry; that was thoughtless of me. I understand—considering our—the—circumstances—that you needn't accept my apology nor forgive me.

[pincerattack]

I SERIOUSLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN GOING ON ANYMORE.

[onlyhonournow]

Well.



I am currently a very large organic animal and you're yelling, very loudly. All things considered, we should be used to at least one of these things.

[. . .was that snark? It was snark.]