crankycave | This is definitely not LOWAS

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This is definitely not LOWAS

[In a particularly nasty part of the already generally unpleasant cave, John Egbert descends, catching himself before he takes a nasty fall. This place sure doesn't look familiar but that's okay. Nothing has looked familiar in a while! Instead of climbing down the steep decline, John floats down because gosh, floating is awesome; he's pretty that if floating were a thing people could just do, shoes would be totally obsolete.

Landing at the bottom of whatever makes up caves - biology is his thing, not geology! - John looks around.]

Hello?

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[clanking through the cave -- it's really hard to sneak when you're half roboti%! and turning a corner just in time to see a human float down from a hole in the cave roof. And wait a minute, is that a human you've seen on Trollian before? It's still a little hard to tell them apart.]

Uh, hi...

[Whoa, hey! That guy seems pretty friendly, even if he has metal legs! They're kind of cool, though you decide not to say so; even though saying so would be a compliment, it seems a little insensitive and you're not that kind of asshole!]

Hi! My name's John. Where are we?

[...wait a minute. Candy corn colored horns. Gray skin. He has to be one of the trolls. Excitement trickles down your spine!]

Wait, are you a troll?!

Uh, that is right, I am, a troll, and you are, the first human here, who knew that, without me telling them.

[--Oh wait]

Uh, does that mean, that you are the John human, that we know? That makes Karkat, even more shouty, than usual?

[you are never in a million years going to ever admit to anyone how much good sleeping for a day has done for you and your temperment, because if you do that Gamzee will just validate his feelings that you are someone to be shooshed anytime you have something to do besides sit around and 'be a chill motherfucker.' but it did do you good! you have even leveled up to BORED AND AIMLESS from CRANKY AND ANNOYED, and are sort of halfheartedly wandering through the cranky cave-- which could not be a more natural habitat for you if it tried, let's be honest-- to see what's here. plus, you can hear Tavros clanking around, and he would certainly make a better conversationalist than Gamzee. it's the whole 'not paping you right between the horns' thing.

…wait, what's this? more humans, really? But. Wait a minute. Wait a gogdamn minute. You recognize this feeling in you! You know this human who is making more complete and utter really good blackromcom-quality hatred well up in your bloodpumper.

JOHN HUMAN EGBERT HAS SHOWN HIS FACE HERE. THE SPIKED CLAWCOVER HAS BEEN THROWN.]

YOU.

[Yes, it was really that loud.]

Haha, yep! I'm the John human! You can just call me John though, 'the John human' sounds kind of weird.

[holds out his hand to shake]

What's your name?

[you duck, thinking maybe a bomb has gone off! But no, that noise was a word and that word was directed at you! Straightening, you look over at who that word came from. A very angry looking troll is staring and gosh, WHO ELSE COULD BE POSSIBLY HOLD THAT MUCH RAGE?!]

Karkat!

[it's your fellow friendleader and gosh, the highly anticipated meeting is finally happening!]

[inspecting the human's hand, uncertain: what do you do with this? ...you hold out one of your hands in the same gesture. human greetings, how do they work.]

Uh, I am Tavros, and I think, I can just call you John, that would be okay, because probably, if you called me, the Tavros troll, that would sound weird, also.

[haha, awesome! You're about to show him a human custom! You're pretty proud to be the one to do so! You grab Tavros' hand - gently because gosh those claws look sharp and you don't want to startle him! - and shake up and down twice]

Nice to meet you, Tavros! Where are we?

[oh! humans have a greeting custom that involves holding hands. now you know. you shake John's hand up and down to mimic the way he did it to you. hopefully that was right.]

We are, uh, in a cave.

Which, I guess, probably you can tell, but, that is about, all there is to say about it, except, that I don't think it's in the game, and, there are dwarves, who make things, and also, some robots, who are really nice, and some different humans, who weren't, in the game at all.

[!!!! HE RECOGNIZES YOU. You were not actually expecting that! In fact, you sort of had a dramatic comeback half-prepared that would have utterly eviscerated him for not recognizing his archrival. Now you have no paralyzing rejoinder for him! ...well played, John.]

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR FACE? THAT EXPRESSION IS SO MANY DIMENSIONS OF CREEPY THAT FOR A SECOND I THOUGHT MAYBE AMPORA HAD DRESSED UP IN AN EVEN WEIRDER COSTUME THAN USUAL.

[...not your best work, Vantas. Not at all. This was not in the plan!]

Hmmm.

[You realize you should probably stop floating! Letting your feet touch the ground, you strike a thoughtful pose.

...

You got nothing. Dropping the pose, you shrug and grin.]

Gosh, robots, huh? That's pretty exciting! But I wonder where everyone else? I sure home they're doing okay without us!

Oh, uh, I guess, that's a good point, that I had, not really considered, since, I don't think I was much help, anyway, and also, there are some trolls, in the game, that I don't miss, at all...

[friendly shoulder pat!]

Aw, don't be like that! I bet you helped out a lot more than you think you did!

Haha, dude, you can't insult me by comparing me to someone I don't even know! I bet this Ampora guy's pretty swank and you just secretly gave me a compliment!

[You launch yourself at Karkat and swoop him up in the MANLIEST HUG]

:<

You are, a very kind human, to say so.

Thanks, bro! All of my friends are pretty kind. Well, maybe not Dave, he's way too busy being the coolkid to worry about being nice! Did you meet any other humans while you were playing the game?

[Aha, you've confused him! Finally, an opening! This is why Terezi keeps telling you that you're wasted on being a threshecutioner and you really should think about becoming an eviscorator when you're older because no one threatens people with as much flair you do, Karkat, even if you don't agree with her because threshecutioner is a way cooler job. You're just about to light his hair on fire with the, as Terezi would say, sickness of this burn when--

--when he starts trying to crush you. Or shooshpap you, which is actually worse, and you can't quite tell which one he's going for!

The noise that comes out of you is embarassing and not manly and actually kind of a chirpy squawk! Because WHAT THE GOGDAMN FUCK and also OW MY RIBS CANNOT HANDLE ALL THAT MANGRIT and also WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING HERE.]

Not in person, of course, but I did troll them, yes, and I remember, Dave was the first one, that I trolled, and he was, uh, well, the things he said, were sort of upsetting, with lots of, I think, human sex things, in them...

[oh no, you broke him!]

Wow, Karkat, are you okay?! You kind of sounded like one of those squeaky toys dogs chew on!

[Despite your concern, you kind of start smiling because gosh, that was. he just. that was hilarious]

[he IS trying to shoosh you! this is sick and wrong! ARGH!]

I'M FUCKING FANTASTIC, NO THANKS TO THAT PATHETIC ATTEMPT AT SUPLEXING ME. IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL THE OPENING MOVE OF A THROWDOWN? BECAUSE I HAVE HONEST TO GOG SEEN GRUBS WITH BETTER OFFENSIVE MOVES THAN THAT. IF I DIDN'T KNOW FUCKING BETTER I WOULD SAY YOU WERE TRYING TO USE HARASSING MOVES TO MATCH THAT HORRIBLE SEAHORSE FACE YOU WERE MAKING. AND I MUST KNOW BETTER, BECAUSE THERE IS NO WAY YOU WOULD BE SO INCREDIBLY EMPTY-THINKPANNED TO ACTUALLY THINK I'M GOING TO GO AROUND ACTING LIKE SOME KIND OF PALESLUT WHEN MY MOIRAIL IS RIGHT HERE SOMEWHERE IN THIS GOGFORSAKEN CAVE. RIGHT? THAT MUST HAVE BEEN AN AWFUL ATTEMPT AT CRUSHING MY THORAX.

Haha, yeah, Dave's definitely someone you get use to! But he's pretty harmless, really.

[gosh, you sure hope they're okay without you. Sure, they all pretty much could handle themselves and you weren't really their friendleader but. Still.]

So, besides Karkat, are any of your other friends here?

I am glad, that he isn't, actually as upsetting, as he seemed.

Uh, there is, one other troll here, that I know of, so far, and that is, Gamzee, who is my, um.

...I am glad, he was the one, who came here, when I did.

Haha, gosh, Karkat, that sure was a lot of words! I'm not sure what all of them meant but I'm not trying to make you act like a slut, pale or otherwise! I'm not even sure what that means but it definitely sounds like something I'm not trying to do!

[gosh, you feel kind of like a jerk now! You remember your dad trying to tell you about ~unwanted touching~ and gosh, you'd been super embarrassed and totally waved him off. AND NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID.]

That was just a friendly hug but I guess I was so happy to see you that I kind of got carried away. I'll definitely not do it again though!

[ARGH, EVERYTHING IS BACKFIRING. EVERYTHING. All the good your time in the recuperacoon did to you is being rapidly undone by John Egbert and his weirdness and his touching and his being annoying! ARGH.]

Argh! No! It was supposed to be an attempt to crush me! Weren't you listening?

[he's more frustrated than screamy now, really. so much effort for so little payoff. ;_; ]

What, why would I crush you? I like you the way you are, all whole and not flat! Gosh, Karkat, you sure are weird!

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This is definitely not LOWAS

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