[OH FUCK IT THAT WAS SO STUPID YOU CAN'T HELP BUT START BREATHING AGAIN OUT OF SHEER HORROR. Also, you're starting to run out of air! After you catch your breath, though, it's time for the feelings beatdown because you can't take this anymore!]
I AM NOT SOME GOGDAMN BLEATBEAST! I WAS BEING FUCKING QUIET SO THAT I DIDN'T RIP YOUR THINKPAN RIGHT OFF THE TOP OF YOUR SPINE!! AND YOU WOULDN'T STOP TOUCHING ME SO I HAD TO TEACH YOU A LESSON WHILE STILL BEING QUIET!! YES, JOHN EGBERT, I COMPLETELY AGREE THAT RIGHT AFTER THAT THING WE DON'T TALK ANYMORE BECAUSE IT DIDN'T HAPPEN IS A GREAT TIME TO REVEAL YOUR CALIGINOUS FEELINGS FOR AN INSUFFERABLE COOLKID!! IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE HAS A CONSTANT THAT WILL SOLVE EVERY PROBLEM IN PHYSICS AND MATH, AND THAT UNIVERSAL CONSTANT IS DAVE STRIDER STICKING HIS TONGUE IN EVERYONE I MIGHT POSSIBLY BE INTERESTED IN!! GOG, HOW COULD I BE SO INSENSITIVE AS NOT TO COMPOSE AN EPIC TROLL BATTLE POEM IN CELEBRATION OF YOUR ADVERSARIAL RELATIONSHIP!! I AM SUCH A BAD FUCKING FRIENDLEADER OR WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS YOU DECIDED I AM!! IN FACT, LET ME CORRECT THIS MONSTROUS HORRORTERROR OF AN OVERSIGHT RIGHT NOW!! IT GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
WAS THAT HEARTFELT ENOUGH FOR YOU?? I MIGHT BE ABLE TO WRITE A BETTER ONE IF I SIT ALONE IN THE DARK LONG ENOUGH!! BECAUSE EVIDENTLY THAT IS WHAT MY LIFE IS DOOMED TO BE! AND I AM GOING TO REGRET SAYING ALL THIS THE SECOND I DO, BUT I DON'T EVEN CARE ANYMORE BECAUSE WHATEVER MALEVOLENT CREATOR IS OUT THERE HAS DECIDED THAT IT HATES ME! AND WANTS TO THWART MY LIFE AT EVERY TURN!! OH WAIT, THAT CREATOR IS ME! SO MUCH ABOUT THE UNIVERSE MAKES SENSE NOW, IT'S ALL BECAUSE I HATE MYSELF!! KANAYA WOULD SAY WE'RE HAVING A MOTHERFUCKING BREAKTHROUGH HERE! I PROBABLY SOMEHOW CAUSED YOU TO WANT TO SWAP HATRED AND BODILY FLUIDS WITH AN OBNOXIOUS FELLOW HUMAN!! IT'S ALL MY FAULT AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
no subject
I AM NOT SOME GOGDAMN BLEATBEAST! I WAS BEING FUCKING QUIET SO THAT I DIDN'T RIP YOUR THINKPAN RIGHT OFF THE TOP OF YOUR SPINE!! AND YOU WOULDN'T STOP TOUCHING ME SO I HAD TO TEACH YOU A LESSON WHILE STILL BEING QUIET!! YES, JOHN EGBERT, I COMPLETELY AGREE THAT RIGHT AFTER THAT THING WE DON'T TALK ANYMORE BECAUSE IT DIDN'T HAPPEN IS A GREAT TIME TO REVEAL YOUR CALIGINOUS FEELINGS FOR AN INSUFFERABLE COOLKID!! IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE HAS A CONSTANT THAT WILL SOLVE EVERY PROBLEM IN PHYSICS AND MATH, AND THAT UNIVERSAL CONSTANT IS DAVE STRIDER STICKING HIS TONGUE IN EVERYONE I MIGHT POSSIBLY BE INTERESTED IN!! GOG, HOW COULD I BE SO INSENSITIVE AS NOT TO COMPOSE AN EPIC TROLL BATTLE POEM IN CELEBRATION OF YOUR ADVERSARIAL RELATIONSHIP!! I AM SUCH A BAD FUCKING FRIENDLEADER OR WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS YOU DECIDED I AM!! IN FACT, LET ME CORRECT THIS MONSTROUS HORRORTERROR OF AN OVERSIGHT RIGHT NOW!! IT GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
PRANKSTER-COOLKID RIVALS/ULTIMATE KISMESSITUDE/ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH FUCK
WAS THAT HEARTFELT ENOUGH FOR YOU?? I MIGHT BE ABLE TO WRITE A BETTER ONE IF I SIT ALONE IN THE DARK LONG ENOUGH!! BECAUSE EVIDENTLY THAT IS WHAT MY LIFE IS DOOMED TO BE! AND I AM GOING TO REGRET SAYING ALL THIS THE SECOND I DO, BUT I DON'T EVEN CARE ANYMORE BECAUSE WHATEVER MALEVOLENT CREATOR IS OUT THERE HAS DECIDED THAT IT HATES ME! AND WANTS TO THWART MY LIFE AT EVERY TURN!! OH WAIT, THAT CREATOR IS ME! SO MUCH ABOUT THE UNIVERSE MAKES SENSE NOW, IT'S ALL BECAUSE I HATE MYSELF!! KANAYA WOULD SAY WE'RE HAVING A MOTHERFUCKING BREAKTHROUGH HERE! I PROBABLY SOMEHOW CAUSED YOU TO WANT TO SWAP HATRED AND BODILY FLUIDS WITH AN OBNOXIOUS FELLOW HUMAN!! IT'S ALL MY FAULT AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
[he may have actually broken you this time.]