[oh gosh, if you were a different person, you would think Karkat were hopeless! But you're not another person, you're John Egbert and you don't think anyone hopeless, least of all your co-palhoncho!]

[you put your hands on Karkat's shoulders and shaking him very gently!]

I was only joking, jeeez! And before you say something like 'oh look, Karkat has messed up again, rah, rah I'm angry,' don't! You are waaaaay harder on yourself than anyone else and it's really kind of sad!

[you let go of him before he can say the word pale-slut - whatever that means! - and frown. You sure wish Rose were here! She would know what to do!]